IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of the bad person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #poverty #person’s #nature
In recent years,
due to
 the rapid development of society, policymakers have not been able to control and solve all the problems, which created numerous crimes in most cities.
While
 a number of notions believe that community problems and poverty are the main reasons why
people
 tend to become
criminals
, there are other views that think that
this
 might come from their personality. In my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 prefer the former rather than the latter.
Firstly
, the breeding ground of
criminals
 used to come from the lack of economy, it is more difficult to make
money
 these days.
Besides
, the significant increase in population has created more competition almost everywhere,
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 companies, schools, offices and so on. It requires residents to witness great experience and talent to achieve success in their careers, unfortunately, some residents are unemployed because they do not have enough ability to compete with their rivals. These
people
 after face with failure, they likely to do illegal things.
Moreover
, nowadays, with the high cost of living standards, many households have not been able to pay taxes and other fees, which compel them to steal
money
 or value stuff for
money
. Viewed from different sides, there is
also
 a multitude of
criminals
, who want to do misdeed things to satisfy themselves. Take sexual assault
criminals
 as an example, these
people
 are mostly male, and they indecently assault young women to satisfy their need for sex.
Moreover
,
according to
 the survey,
people
 who grew up with no education usually will commit a crime
due to
 the fact that they cannot be able to realize their behaviours were illegal. On second thought, it is noticeable that a particular person decides to commit a crime often because of the bad economy and social problems.
Overall
,
money
 is the main key to deciding whether a person going to become a criminal or not. In conclusion, despite the fact that crimes might happen
due to
 inhumanity, an innocent citizen can be forced to commit an offence because of the impoverished.
Submitted by nghi.bella.phan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: