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Band 7.5

Nowadays,people are choosing to socialise online rather than face-to-face. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #socialise #development
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It cannot be denied that technological advancements have brought a diverse range of possibilities in various aspects of life, and
this
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 is evident in today's online communication methods.
Although
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 these advancements have made it easier to keep in touch with loved ones, I believe they represent a negative development
due to
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 the sense of
isolation
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 they can foster and the potential for
blackmail
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 involving shared videos or photos. One serious problem caused by online socializing is that it can lead to
isolation
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. In the past, people would converse face-to-face to discuss their daily lives rather than using virtual communication. Being part of a social group provided more opportunities to share ideas and events occurring in their personal lives, ensuring they never felt isolated from society.
However
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, today’s generation utilizes social media platforms
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram, and Telegram without recognizing the potential consequences, which include a heightened risk of
isolation
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 in the long run. Another issue stemming from the use of virtual communication is
blackmail
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. When users share personal photos or videos with close friends via platforms like Telegram or WhatsApp, there is always a risk involved. Relationships can change, and those who were once trusted friends may turn into enemies or rivals and misuse shared private content against them.
For example
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, couples often share intimate photos or videos to strengthen their bonds.
However
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, some individuals might use these personal belongings to
blackmail
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 their former partners, demanding money to prevent the public posting of these private materials, which can lead to significant embarrassment.
Therefore
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, using social media to talk to friends or acquaintances may pose a threat to individuals' private lives. In conclusion,
although
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 social media platforms offer some benefits, I believe the problems they cause,
such
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 as
isolation
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 and the potential for
blackmail
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, mean they have not brought about positive developments
overall
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.
Submitted by a_zamjonov99 on

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task achievement
Try to add a bit more depth to your examples to make your argument even stronger. For instance, you could explore specific cases or statistics that highlight the extent of these problems.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your essay is very clear, a few more linking phrases could enhance the overall flow.
task achievement
You have provided clear and relevant examples to support your main points, which makes your argument more credible.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
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