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Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? It is a positive or negative trend?

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In most communities,
competitiveness
 is a positive factor for individuals who are interested in achieving their
goals
. Being in a competitive ambient motivates
people
 to make an effort to reach their aims.
Besides
this
,
competitiveness
 can be a positive or negative trend, and I mention it in my following essay. To commence, competitive environments have some upsides for individual who are enthusiastic to achieve their
goals
 and learn from others.
In other words
,
this
 ambient motivates
people
 to compare themselves with other
people
, and they try hard to reach their aims by learning from others.
For instance
, a football player who likes to be a part of the team
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
ranks first. He figures out how much teammates make an effort by doing exercise regularly to achieve their
goals
 as players who show their good games.
Consequently
, he attempts to imitate other football players by doing regular exercises until he is ready to show his perfect play.
Competitiveness
 can have both positive and negative trends for
people
. On the positive aspect, in the entire society, being in an environment with different rivals leads
people
 to reach their
goals
 faster by imitating other
people
’s behaviours or activities that can have a significant impact on
people
’s lives.
Therefore
,
this
 society is going towards flourishing.
In contrast
, sometimes
people
 see the efforts of others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and compare them with the efforts of themselves. When they do not reach their aims, they might think that all of their efforts are useless.
As a result
, after a short time, they give up their personal
goals
, and they become disappointed about everything. In conclusion,
competitiveness
 is a positive quality for
people
 who live in each society, because it motivates individuals to try more to reach their aims.
Although
 being in a competitive environment helps
people
 to reach their aims faster by imitating successful
people
, in some situations the negative trend should be taken into account.
Submitted by behzad.tahmouresi on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but needs to provide a clearer stance on whether competitiveness is overall positive or negative. It would benefit from exploring the implications of competitiveness at the individual and societal levels in more detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a good overall structure with an introduction and conclusion and coherent main points. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and detailed examples. It would be beneficial to provide more specific and relevant examples to support the main points, and to ensure the logical flow of arguments throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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