Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? It is a positive or negative trend?

#competitiveness #quality #people #societies #individuals #trend

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In most communities,

competitiveness

is a positive factor for individuals who are interested in achieving their

goals

. Being in a competitive ambient motivates

people

to make an effort to reach their aims.

Besides

this

competitiveness

can be a positive or negative trend, and I mention it in my following essay. To commence, competitive environments have some upsides for individual who are enthusiastic to achieve their

goals

and learn from others.

In other words

this

ambient motivates

people

to compare themselves with other

people

, and they try hard to reach their aims by learning from others.

For instance

, a football player who likes to be a part of the team

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

ranks first. He figures out how much teammates make an effort by doing exercise regularly to achieve their

goals

as players who show their good games.

Consequently

, he attempts to imitate other football players by doing regular exercises until he is ready to show his perfect play.

Competitiveness

can have both positive and negative trends for

people

. On the positive aspect, in the entire society, being in an environment with different rivals leads

people

to reach their

goals

faster by imitating other

people

’s behaviours or activities that can have a significant impact on

people

’s lives.

Therefore

this

society is going towards flourishing.

In contrast

, sometimes

people

see the efforts of others

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and compare them with the efforts of themselves. When they do not reach their aims, they might think that all of their efforts are useless.

As a result

, after a short time, they give up their personal

goals

, and they become disappointed about everything. In conclusion,

competitiveness

is a positive quality for

people

who live in each society, because it motivates individuals to try more to reach their aims.

Although

being in a competitive environment helps

people

to reach their aims faster by imitating successful

people

, in some situations the negative trend should be taken into account.

Submitted by behzad.tahmouresi on Fri Sep 01 2023

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Task Response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but needs to provide a clearer stance on whether competitiveness is overall positive or negative. It would benefit from exploring the implications of competitiveness at the individual and societal levels in more detail.

Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a good overall structure with an introduction and conclusion and coherent main points. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and detailed examples. It would be beneficial to provide more specific and relevant examples to support the main points, and to ensure the logical flow of arguments throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? It is a positive or negative trend?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that death penalty is the only way to decrease the rate of crime. while others believe that there are other better ways. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.