IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'Social media has had a negative impact on society

No doubt that social media
revolutionized
Use the right word
revolutionised
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 the whole world.
However
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, we cannot deny the fact that with
good
Correct article usage
the good
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there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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comes the bad as well. I strongly agree with the statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I have ample points to prove my stand.
To begin
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 with, nowadays everyone is on
this
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 platform
and
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, and
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 they
use
Use synonyms
 it for various purposes.
For example
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, a lot of people like to post their pictures or videos online,
while
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 they expect some friendly comments from their followers, most often they end up getting rude or violent comments from other folks , which
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 them not only on a personal level but
also
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 on a social level as well.
Moreover
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, the rise in online bullying doubled in the
last
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 few years
and
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, and
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 the numbers are worrying.
In addition
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, people of all different ages are using social media now. Most of the time
teenagers
Punctuation problem
, teenagers
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 lie about their age to
use
Use synonyms
 it without knowing the consequences of it. Moving
further
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, most of the time
young
Punctuation problem
, young
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 people end up getting in trouble as they come in contact with online predators who
use
Use synonyms
 social media to lure the vulnerable.
For instance
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, A survey conducted by
BBC
Correct article usage
the BBC
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 showed that around 3000 teens went missing in the US alone. Not only that, they consume a lot of negative content as well
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 usually includes explicit content and violent videos
examples
Punctuation problem
, examples
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 of a few.
To conclude
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, there is nothing wrong with using a platform that helps us
to
Verb problem
apply
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connect with our family and friends.
However
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, it totally depends on an individual how they want to
use
Use synonyms
this
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 magic tool.

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develop
Your view is clear, but your argument needs more strong points and proof to back it up. add one or two good examples and explain them.
grammar
Use short, clear sentences. Break long sentences into two parts so ideas are easy to follow.
coherence
Start each new idea with a simple topic sentence that tells what the paragraph will show.
accuracy
Be careful with facts. If you use a number or fact, be sure it is right or say 'a study shows'.
structure
Wrap up with a clear ending that restates your view and what you have shown in the essay.
content
The writer shows a clear view from the start.
coherence
There is some use of sign posts to guide the reader.
content
The writing tries to use examples to back points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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