IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

1.Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
It is true that some feel that
parents
 should teach their offspring how to be upright citizens,
while
 others believe that
schools
 are more appropriate for
children
 to learn
this
. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I tend to agree with the latter. I concede that there are several
reasons
 why people think that
parents
 should take main responsibility for their
children
’s moral education, and perhaps the most obvious one is they spend a lot of time with their
children
 and have more opportunities to educate them. When
parents
 live with their
children
, they can teach them through daily activities
such
 as dining, doing household chores and interacting with others,
in
Correct pronoun usage
which in
show examples
 turn enables their
children
 to learn from trial and error. What
this
 does is make it absolutely beneficial.
Children
 in China,
for instance
, learn life routines from their
parents
. As
such
, they adopt good habits and a gain deeper understanding of moral standards, which is why people feel that it is important to teach
children
 by their
parents
.
However
, I believe that
schools
 are a better place to take the role of educating
children
 to develop as good human beings. One of the primary
reasons
 is that they have more professional teachers and
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 that
designing
Wrong verb form
are designed
show examples
 to
education
Replace the word
educate
show examples
children
 in a more professional and effective way. If
children
 study social moral standards at
schools
, they can easily understand the core since there are a number of well-designed curriculums for them, and
this
 makes it easier and more effective for them to learn and grasp knowledge and is potentially incredibly crucial.
For example
, in China, there are numerous lectures that
relating
Wrong verb form
relate
show examples
 to
teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
 students how to be good members of society, leading to a higher level of awareness among
children
, and
this
 ultimately results in
schools
 becoming the best resources for
children
 to learn in
this
 specific prospect. In conclusion,
while
 there are some
reasons
 why
children
 should learn from their
parents
 to be good citizens, I believe, school is a more suitable choice to do
this
 for the
reasons
 I mentioned above.
Submitted by 15219169 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: