Many people think the fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. What is your opinion?

Many proponents insist that many fast food stores generate bad influences on their
health
customers, so they suggest prohibiting these advertisement campaigns. Some critics argue that all companies have the right to advertise and their advertisements provide healthier options to their customers. I am convinced by the
overall
stance of the critic's group, and I
also
disagree with the ban on
this
company's marketing.
Initially
, perhaps the major detrimental influence of ready meals on the
health
of consumers and the accelerating numerous of obese patients. Indeed, pre-packaged meal options in renowned restaurants contain plenty of saturated fat and high levels of sugar in carbonated beverages.
Hence
, many nutritionists consider it an unhealthy regime owing to a lack of mineral nutrients, vitamin density and high calories.
For instance
, some medical reports have shown that many citizens, who have fast-paced and sedentary lifestyles, usually consume these foodstuffs options and get some
health
-relevant diseases.
Consequently
, the major
health
issues from an unbalanced regime are type 2 diabetes and hypertension.
For example
, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of obese people, who are being treated for type 2 diabetes in many hospitals, since the wide-spreading of fast-food advertisements expanded their scale. Despite these reasonably mentioned factors, prohibiting
this
business marketing is illegal and counters the principle of a democratic law system. Freedom of choice is one of the key fundamentals of a democratic society, so any business has the right to operate marketing campaigns.
In particular
, with advertising, people have more informed choices and have the right to decide whether to buy it or not.
Additionally
, many fast food products have a 'diet' version with affordable prices and fast serving, which attracts plenty of consumer attention for a healthy meal with extra vegetable portions and less saturated fat. Indeed, changing takeaway meal stores toward suitable healthier diets for the majority of customers, taking McDonald's stores as a case study, will stifle chubbiness, so interdicting marketing in
such
firms is unnecessary. By cutting down on salty and saturated fat in making dishes and adding more fresh vegetable salad portions, McDonald's nutritionists confirm
this
could help the obese deter weight gain, which is suited to the hospital's standards about the nutritional content of each meal.
To conclude
, despite some potential risks involving the
health
conditions of the abusive consumers, particularly increasing the number of obese patients, banning commercial fast-food restaurants is unreasonable in terms of legal and their positive shift advancement toward healthier diets will interfere with obesity spreading.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

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General
Overall, the essay is well-structured and provides strong arguments and examples. However, there are a few areas to improve: 1. Be more concise with your introduction to avoid repetition. 2. Tighten up a few of the sentences for clarity. 3. Watch out for small grammar tenses and word choices errors, such as 'generate bad influences' which could be better expressed as 'negatively influence'.
Language and Style
Try to refine some of the language to enhance clarity and precision. For instance, changing 'Indeed, pre-packaged meal options in renowned restaurants contain plenty of saturated fat and high levels of sugar in carbonated beverages' to 'Indeed, pre-packaged meal options in well-known restaurants often contain high levels of saturated fat and sugar.'
Supporting Arguments
The essay is backed up with relevant and specific examples which strengthens the argument.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-connected to the main body of the essay, creating a coherent overall structure.
Task Response
The task response is comprehensive, addressing both sides of the argument effectively and concluding with a clear stance.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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