Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

#scientists #activities #health #millions #people

Although

several activities are considered to positively affect people's health, a rising level of people continually maintains detrimental ones. In my opinion, stress relief and addictive

habits

are two major factors; and

likewise

, both the government and individuals should take steps to break the habit. There are numerous reasons associated with continuous engagement in harmful activities. The first reason is that individuals find a sedentary lifestyle to cope

Change preposition

apply

show examples

with stress and depression.

This

is because those who have mental illness spend most of their time lying down and lack physical

exercises

Fix the agreement mistake

exercise

show examples

. In fact, lack of exercise on a regular basis can result in a greater risk of developing lifestyle diseases

such

as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and cancer. Another reason is that many detrimental

habits

such

as smoking, eating junk

food

or excessive gaming can be addictive and are not easy to break.

For example

, junk

food

high in sugar releases dopamine;

therefore

it triggers our brain to overeat. There are several actions that could be taken to mitigate the problems mentioned above.

Firstly

, it is vital for the government to take steps to break bad

habits

by limiting the advertisement of fast

food

on social media,

whereas

a healthy lifestyle should be

further

promoted. With a sense of self-protection and knowledge that everybody around them practises the same habit, I believe that people would find it easier to break their old

habits

Secondly

, the younger generation should take small steps by self-educating about the detrimental impacts of an imbalanced diet in order to have

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

food

choices that are good for their health. In conclusion, there are various factors leading to a large number of citizens participating in unhealthy activities denying expert warnings and measures that can be implemented to tackle

this

issue.

Submitted by noellanist on Thu Sep 14 2023

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extended

Task Response: The essay addresses the question and provides relevant arguments for both the causes and solutions of engaging in harmful activities. However, there is room for improvement in providing specific examples to support the points made.

extended

Coherence and Cohesion: The structure of the essay is generally logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the flow of ideas could be improved by providing stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, including more specific examples would enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

addiction
chemical reactions
dependency
social and cultural norms
convenience
accessibility
education and awareness campaigns
temptations
implementing policies
taxing
supportive environment
accountability
unhealthy habits

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Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

When a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most countries allow 18-year olds to start driving a car. Some say it is good to allow at this age. But others think that the age to start driving should be at least 25. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it's bad for them. Why is this? What is an effective way to improve people's healthy eating habits?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Students are becoming more and more reliant on technology. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?