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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case ? Do you think this a positive or negative situati

#countries #home #people #be #case #situati
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Selecting a
house
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 to live in is a big challenge to make. In some parts of the world,
people
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 value their
house
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instead
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 of renting because it gives a sense of achievement. From my perspective, it is a positive approach and I will discuss the reasons below in
this
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 passage.
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 seek to own their personal property where they can live with peace of mind. Many individuals have the tendency to have their own
house
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 rather than rent,
although
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 they may face many difficulties in acquiring it.
For instance
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, in many Western countries,
people
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 mortgage and take bank loans to buy their own houses.
Moreover
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,
people
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 prefer to have their personal
house
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 because it prevents families from moving from one place to another place,unlike renting and
this
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 may make them feel a sense of security and stability.
Nonetheless
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,I believe that there are many positive aspects
such
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 as it gives freedom,
people
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 are not bound to follow the rules and have the opportunity to renovate the
house
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according to
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 them.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 who own a
house
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 have better equity and finance because it
also
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 reduces the burden of paying monthly rentals which imposes additional stress on families that depend on renting.
For example
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, in Egypt, the prices of rented apartments have witnessed a significant rise of 50% over the
last
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 year.
As a consequence
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, many
people
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 struggled to find proper places to live in. In conclusion, security and stability may be the main factors why pupils have
apted
Correct your spelling
opted
 for personal property ownership rather than renting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
Submitted by hirasattar7 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the coherence and flow of your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your essay more precise and sophisticated.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to avoid mistakes.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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