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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal life. Does the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.

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It is often believed that taking risks may be beneficial to people in their professional
as well as
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 personal lives.
Although
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this
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 is not always advantageous, the ability of an individual to take the right chances at the right moments may significantly determine their life trajectory. In
this
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 essay, I will weigh the pros against the cons of
such
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 a belief system. To start with, history is filled with stories of people who have chosen to take risks.
For instance
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, Sir Alex Ferguson, who was the manager of the football club Manchester United between 1989 to 2013, had replaced his entire first team to field a bunch of youngsters from the academy in the football league.
While
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this
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 was considered foolhardy by many at that time, the gamble ultimately paid off and his teams went on to win several trophies.
This
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 highlights the importance of taking calculated risks at the appropriate time.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 tendency to take a chance can
also
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 benefit one's personal life.
For instance
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, in a popular TV show, if the lead character
did
Verb problem
had
show examples
 not
rush
Wrong verb form
rushed
show examples
 to the airport to confess his love to his romantic interest, they may never have had their happily ever after!
While
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 the positives may be inspirational to read, what of the failures? It is seldom acknowledged that taking these gambles may
also
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 lead to disproportionate failures. A notable example of
this
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 is the colossal failure of the company 'We Work' to achieve its targets when going public. The company's CEO, Adam Neumann, gambled his entire wealth on his ability to talk his way into investments.
However
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, when detailing the company's financial details, analysts all over the world rebuked Mr. Neumann's philosophy which led to a tumbling of its shares and a subsequent
bankcruptcy
Correct your spelling
bankruptcy
.
This
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 must serve as a warning of the dangerous consequences of one's choices. In conclusion, high risk may be associated with high reward.
Nevertheless
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, one must always consider the realistic possibility of failure when making
this
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 choice and only plunge if they're feeling really confident.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score in Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that your ideas transition smoothly from one to the next. Use a variety of linking phrases and cohesive devices effectively. Additionally, keep your paragraphs well-organized with clear topic sentences that align with your supporting sentences.
Task Achievement
Regarding Task Achievement, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and an attempt to cover all parts of the task. However, your idea development could be more balanced and detailed, particularly in discussing the disadvantages of taking risks. Aim to elaborate equally on both sides of the argument and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay, not just at the conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovate
  • significant advancements
  • resilience
  • breakthroughs
  • comfort zones
  • calculated risks
  • psychological resilience
  • creative problem-solving
  • empower
  • venture
  • setbacks
  • uncertainty
  • navigate
  • driver
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