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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart provides the information about how families in a countries spent weekly income in both 1968 and 2018

The bar chart provides the information about how families in a countries spent weekly income in both 1968 and 2018
The following graph depicts the percentage of
money
Use synonyms
 that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 family
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent on different things weekly in 1968 and 2018. These expenditures include
food
Use synonyms
, housing, fuel and power, clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
, household goods, personal goods, transport and leisure.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1968
families
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent the most amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
, which made up 35%, but in 2018 about 15% of the budget was
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on
food
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 in 2018
families
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent more
money
Use synonyms
 on leisure activities, which made up almost 25% of their budget. In 1968 less than 10% of the budget was
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on
free time
Add a hyphen
free-time
show examples
 activities
Families
Use synonyms
 in 1968
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent the most percentage of
money
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 which made up 35% exactly, but in 2018 it made up less than 15% of their weekly expenditures.
Families
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent less
money
Use synonyms
 on housing, transport and leisure time activities in 1968.
Although
Linking Words
 household
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 did not change in 50 years. People in 1968 preferred to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on fuel and power, clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
,
food
Use synonyms
 and personal goods.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, food, families with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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