In many countries, young children are looked after by other people while parents go out to work. Is it a good thing or a bad thing?

Nowadays, It is true that young
children
are looked after by someone else when their
parents
are working.
Although
this
trend
can be a negative development because
parents
should take
care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
offspring by themselves, the main benefits are not only to
parents
who work full time but
also
to
children
themselves. To start with one of the most important
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
why
this
is a positive development is that
children
are taken
care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
professionals who have
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
and
skills
to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
and develop
children
skills
like basic vocal and social
skills
to prepare them to
entry
Replace the word
enter
show examples
school
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
young
children
learn how to play, share, respect other people who are not in their family.
For example
, 80% of year one students who were taken
care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
professional kindergartens get along well with other peers or teachers when they go to schools compared to other students who were looked after by their
parents
or relatives. Having them in
day cares
Correct your spelling
daycares
show examples
plays a major role in developing
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
a young age which can be seen as an advantage. Another benefit is that young
parents
can continue their careers after their maternity leave. Having infants in
day cares
Correct your spelling
daycares
show examples
can be better for
parents
due to
its convenience.
For example
,
according to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research conducted by Bangkok University, it was revealed that 80% of young
parents
in Thailand usually take 6 months
maternity
Change preposition
of maternity
show examples
leave and go back to work by
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
their young
children
in
blanket
Fix the agreement mistake
blankets
show examples
or
infants
Fix the agreement mistake
infant
show examples
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
. So they can contribute
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
careers without any
worrying
Fix the agreement mistake
worries
show examples
.
This
is popular and
playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
an important role in
this
trend
and many people think it is a positive
trend
. In conclusion,
while
parents
go to work,
children
are looked after by
children
cares. I think there are a couple of benefits in
this
trend
because
its
Change preposition
of its
show examples
convenience for
parents
,
Correct word choice
and, skills
show examples
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
and knowledge that
children
are received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
from their
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
Submitted by patinyajaithan on

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task achievement
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task achievement
Focus on developing your main ideas further and provide clearer explanations and reasoning for your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between paragraphs to make the essay easier to read and more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure within paragraphs, ensuring each point flows smoothly and naturally into the next.
coherence cohesion
Polish the introduction and conclusion further to make them more impactful and aligned with your overall essay.
task achievement
You have identified both positive and negative aspects of the topic, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
task achievement
Using specific examples, such as the research from Bangkok University, adds credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides an introduction and a conclusion, giving it a clear beginning and end.
coherence cohesion
You’ve used transitions between ideas, which helps with the flow of the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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