IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or cultural events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Recently, many individuals started to pay a huge amount of
money
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 to visit
games
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 or
events
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. In my opinion,
although
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 there are multiple positive effects, its drawbacks cannot be ignored. The primary reason behind supporting the fact that the
money
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 spent on
sport
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sports
show examples
events
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 tickets will have a positive effect is because it may develop an interest in those
games
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 among the
people
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 who visit those
events
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 regularly.
As a result
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, certain individuals acquire skills in certain
games
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 and might represent the country in many international
games
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, making their nation proud. Another key factor is that there are chances of technical
development
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 in the event management department. To explain, if many
people
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 started to visit
events
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 regularly,
then
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 there
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be an increase in the number of
events
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. To compete with other event management companies, there will be an increase in the efficiency of services provided to
people
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 by improving the technology used in the services.
For example
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, A magazine in the USA compared and reported the improvements in the technological aspects of services provided in the
events
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 that took place in the past and in the present.
However
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, there are a few negative impacts caused by
this
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 activity of spending a lot of
money
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 on sports and
events
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.
Firstly
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, there are chances of
people
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 getting
addictive
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addicted
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 to those sports
events
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 which may cause adverse effects on health or detrimental results in some essential works
such
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 as office duties etc.
Secondly
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, Regular spending of a huge amount of
money
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 on these activities may lead to insufficient
money
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 for necessary needs to run a day-to-day life. A recent survey has shown that most of the
people
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 who see matches regularly are unable to stop or reduce when they want to do so.
To conclude
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, views are divided on whether
this
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 activity of increase in the
money
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 spent on
sporting
Replace the word
sports
show examples
 or
events
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 will have a positive
development
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. Considering the above-mentioned arguments, it may act as a positive
development
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 in some cases
while
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 a reverse effect can
also
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 occur in a few cases. In my opinion,
this
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 will be a positive
development
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 unless it is not becoming addictive to the
people
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 .

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vocabulary
Try to refine the vocabulary to include more varied and precise words for a higher score.
examples
Include more relevant examples to support your main points for stronger arguments.
logical structure
Work on refining the logical structure to ensure a smoother flow of ideas across the essay. Consider using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear opening and closing to the essay.
task completion
The essay covers both the positive and negative aspects of the topic, showing a balanced perspective.
supporting points
The main points are supported with examples and explanations, making the essay quite comprehensive in ideas.
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