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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Many
children
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 use their phones for
hours
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 each day. In my opinion,
this
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behavior
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behaviour
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 is driven by several reasons and has negative impacts on their physical
as well as
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 mental
health
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. One reason
children
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 use
smartphones
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 for
hours
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 is the constant access to entertainment.
Smartphones
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 offer a wide range of games, from video games to online games, which are highly appealing to
children
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.
Consequently
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, it is evident that they spend a significant amount of time on their
smartphones
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. Another reason is that education. Nowadays a significant number of classes and educational activities are conducted online. Schools and educational institutions often require students to access online platforms for lessons, homework, and interactive learning modules, resulting in increased screen time among
children
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. Using
This
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 cutting-edge device for
hours
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 brings mental issues to
children
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's lives. when
children
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 spend excessive
hours
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 on their
smartphones
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, they do not communicate with other people even with their parents, leading to social isolation and other disorders
such
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 as Anger, depression, and anxiety, in the long term. Physical
health
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 is another drawback. mobile phones emit blue light which is harmful to the eyes, Excessive exposure to it, especially during nighttime, not only can cause
health
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 problems
such
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 as swelling of the eyes but
also
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 can disrupt the body's natural sleep-wake cycle. In conclusion, from my point of view,
children
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 use their phones for educational and entertainment reasons but it is important to note here excessive usage of that not only causes mental
health
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 but
also
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 leads to physical disorders related to vision.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing overall structure and readability.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question adequately, providing reasons for children's smartphone usage and discussing its impacts.
task achievement
Your use of pertinent reasons like education and entertainment as factors in smartphone usage is relevant and helps to address the topic comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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