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Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Many
children
 use their phones for
hours
 each day. In my opinion,
this
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is driven by several reasons and has negative impacts on their physical
as well as
 mental
health
. One reason
children
 use
smartphones
 for
hours
 is the constant access to entertainment.
Smartphones
 offer a wide range of games, from video games to online games, which are highly appealing to
children
.
Consequently
, it is evident that they spend a significant amount of time on their
smartphones
. Another reason is that education. Nowadays a significant number of classes and educational activities are conducted online. Schools and educational institutions often require students to access online platforms for lessons, homework, and interactive learning modules, resulting in increased screen time among
children
. Using
This
 cutting-edge device for
hours
 brings mental issues to
children
's lives. when
children
 spend excessive
hours
 on their
smartphones
, they do not communicate with other people even with their parents, leading to social isolation and other disorders
such
 as Anger, depression, and anxiety, in the long term. Physical
health
 is another drawback. mobile phones emit blue light which is harmful to the eyes, Excessive exposure to it, especially during nighttime, not only can cause
health
 problems
such
 as swelling of the eyes but
also
 can disrupt the body's natural sleep-wake cycle. In conclusion, from my point of view,
children
 use their phones for educational and entertainment reasons but it is important to note here excessive usage of that not only causes mental
health
 but
also
 leads to physical disorders related to vision.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing overall structure and readability.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the question adequately, providing reasons for children's smartphone usage and discussing its impacts.
task achievement
Your use of pertinent reasons like education and entertainment as factors in smartphone usage is relevant and helps to address the topic comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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