IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

•Nowadays, it is getting difficult for people to enjoy their lives in cities. Why do you think this is? What can the government do to make life in cities more enjoyable?

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•In modern days, it is becoming harder to have fun for communities in their lives in urban places. The problem is boring activities and dirty air in most of the cities,
however
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 the solution is easier
,
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apply
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 than people might think. •
To begin
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 with, most of the city livers spend from 8 to 12 hours a day working, getting bored day by day.
instead
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 of having qualitative leisure, many individuals allocate their time to watching TV, reading the news and scrolling videos on social media.
As a result
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, our intellect always works and can not have a period to reboot itself.
In addition
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, the second reason for the lack of pleasure is the air quality in most of the cities. In fact, the American University of Harvard found that air degradation contributes to mental issues,
such
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 as higher levels of stress and depression.
Also
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, the air-cleanness level influences how oxygen is transported to the
brain
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 and may affect our mood and well-being. •
Nonetheless
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, the solution is available and achievable for everyone.
Firstly
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, people should learn how the
brain
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 works and study how to give the right rest to the
brain
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,
for example
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, meditation or physical activities are the best ways to correlate the dopamine (the hormone of happiness and motivation) level of the
brain
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,
furthermore
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, they can find and develop themselves in many hobbies,
such
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 as art, music and sport.
Secondly
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, residents should go walking in nature more often or move to the trip in many countryside the mountains and forests, accepting more interesting challenges and getting more new emotions. To summarize, the level of unhappiness is increasing year by year in urban cities. The masses ought to learn how to fix it.
First,
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educating the rest correctly and
second,
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devoting their free time to a more eco-environment.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly sets up the essay's topic and the main points you will discuss. You may also want to make your thesis statement more explicitly connected to your body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph structure and flow. Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea and that ideas flow logically from one sentence to the next. Use linking words and phrases to improve coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help readers better understand your arguments and see them as more credible.
task achievement
You have a good command of vocabulary and your sentences demonstrate a variety of structures. This adds richness to your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized into clearly defined paragraphs, and you present a logical sequence of ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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