IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #education #recreation #sports
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Some think that governments worldwide should invest more
money
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 in
education
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 than in
recreation
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 and sports. I believe that nations should spend more resources on
education
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 than on
recreation
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. Some of my reasons will be explored in the remainder of
this
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 essay and a logical conclusion will be drawn
at the end
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.
Education
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 can be the key for poor
countries
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 to escape poverty.
Firstly
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, history shows that improving the levels of higher
education
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 in
countries
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 can produce a positive impact on the economy.
For instance
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, Estonia was a poor country in the 1990s but the government made the decision to invest in
education
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 and nowadays
this
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 country has a strong economy. What is more, the Estonian government can provide health care and
recreation
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 to their citizens. Clearly, spending
money
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 on
education
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 should be the priority of decision-makers in poor
countries
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. Nowadays, the concept of
education
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 is changing from traditional development to supply the workforce to a
model
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 base in developing critical thinking and creativity. To illustrate, my friend Diego studied in a private school that followed an integral
model
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 and today he is an important consultant that helps
countries
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 to find solutions for climate change impacts. So, the change of
education
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model
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 needs the government to invest
money
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 in public schools to change the
education
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model
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 and find more people like Diego. In conclusion, I admit that
recreation
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 and sports are
also
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 important for society, but I believe that governments should spend more
money
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 on
education
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 than on
recreation
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 with the intention of improving levels of
education
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 and changing the traditional
education
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model
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 to an integral
model
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.
Submitted by alequech on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental
  • workforce
  • fosters
  • innovation
  • inequality
  • circumstances
  • outcomes
  • hygiene
  • private sector
  • initiatives
  • engaged
  • stability
  • cohesion
  • national pride
  • economic development
  • societal progress
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