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Band 6.5

Nowadays children are consuming too many sugar-based drinks.What are the reasons for and the solutions for this situation?

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Children
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 today often over-consume sugary
drinks
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.The main reason for
this
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 is because soft
drinks
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 are easily accessible,but it can be solved by changing the kind of
drinks
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 in
school
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as well as
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 warning the high sugar
drinks
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 through labels. One of the core reasons why the number of
children
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 consuming sugar-based
drinks
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 increased is that these
drinks
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 are very easy to buy.To put it simply,soft
drinks
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 are sold everywhere,especially in the
school
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's canteen.
Additionally
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, with attractive colours
as well as
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 the scorching weather,
children
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 tend to prefer sugary
drinks
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 to water because of
its refreshment
Fix the agreement mistake
their refreshments
show examples
.
For example
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 , many
children
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 in America enjoy drinking soft
drinks
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 in order to recharge their
battery
Fix the agreement mistake
batteries
show examples
along with
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 reducing stress.
As a result
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, it leads to obesity and many other health problems.
However
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, it can be tackled by replacing sugary
drinks
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 with fruit
juice
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 in
school
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. To explain
further
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, if the canteen does not sell soft
drinks
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 , students can not consume them.
Besides
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,the
school
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's canteen should sell fruit
juice
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 without sugar which is not only tasty but
also
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 good for health.
Furthermore
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,
juice
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 provides enough energy for a long day working.Take Singapore as an example where the government there advises schools to supply
juice
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 to
children
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instead
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 of soft
drinks
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 so as to reduce the rate of diabetes.
As a consequence
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, replacing sugary
drinks
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 with
juice
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 helps
children
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 avoid these unhealthy
drinks
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. Another solution is labelling a warning high sugar tag on sugary
drinks
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.
In other words
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, when supermarkets import products, they should separate high-calorie
drinks
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 from others
as well as
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 stick a caution tag on them in order to warn customers and make them think carefully before buying.
Moreover
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, supermarkets should use a prominent label so that it can attract the
customers
Change to a genitive case
customer's
customers'
show examples
 views.
For instance
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, in Canada, all the high-calorie food and
drinks
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 are ticked a noticeable label to raise the resident's awareness.
Therefore
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, stick
note helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
notes help
show examples
 a lot in reducing the consumption of soft
drinks
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. In conclusion,
although
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 sugary
drinks
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 can easily be accessed and bought, replacing them with fruit
juice
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as well as
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 sticking a warning label decreases consumption.
Consequently
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,
while
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 the refreshment of soft
drinks
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 is noticeable, the health problems it bring should not be overshadowed.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the reasons and solutions that will be discussed in the essay. This helps in setting clear expectations for the reader.
logical structure
Use more complex and varied sentence structures to improve readability and engagement. This can enhance the logical flow of ideas.
complete response
Make sure to address all parts of the task thoroughly. For instance, further discussions on the social or economic impact of sugary drinks could add more depth to your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing both reasons and solutions effectively.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples are used throughout the essay, which strengthens the arguments presented.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported and explained in detail, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive consumption
  • aggressive marketing
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • health consequences
  • peer pressure
  • societal norms
  • educational campaigns
  • awareness
  • strict regulations
  • healthier alternatives
  • nutrition education
  • healthy eating habits
  • community-based programs
  • incentives
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