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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, older people are encouraged to work longer and avoid retirement. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 contemporary era,
Although
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 geriatric persons are working continuously day by day in more companies, it can lead to a harsh impact not only on their social life but
also
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 on their health condition.
while
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 In a few nations citizens force elderly people to efforts for longer opportunities and restrict retirement.In
this
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 essay, I partially disagree with
this
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 statement and I would like to explain profoundly in the upcoming paragraphs. Commencing with the first point why older people should not be encouraged to go to the job for extended freedom, because if they go to the job they can not concentrate on their performance
as a result
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, A significant production will not be completed.
In addition
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, Even though older individual have to have great skills in their experience whether it be theoretical or practical, growing age can have a devastating impact on their brain .
For example
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, In 2012, Scientists found that only 50% of the brain works in geriatric persons than adults.
Therefore
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, Older people should not be reinforced for work or extended freedom no withdrawal. On the other legitimate side, making an to effort continue for short hours may be the advantageous than a long opportunity. when seniors go to their routine jobs in daily life,
this
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 thing can practice their minds and they will feel rejuvenated
Due to
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this
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, going to the company in their daily routine time it will give satisfaction and boost their health brain.
For instance
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, In INDIA , a few researchers described that if senior citizens were to go to their own businesses for small freedom they would feel renowned and active.
Hence
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, it may be fruitful for elders if they go the production in a short period of time.
To conclude
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, I certainly argue that working overtime can cause hazardous issues to their frontal region despite that if they struggle for shorter periods it may be better for them not only their body but
also
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 their mind.

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logical structure
Try to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. This includes having a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
supported main points
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are supported by examples or explanations.
complete response
Always aim to complete the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Make sure your opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on clarity by organizing your ideas more coherently. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific examples to back up your points. It will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
balanced argument
You have attempted to provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
engagement with topic
Your willingness to engage with the topic and provide examples is commendable.
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