IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think for those who commit serious crime need to given death penalty. However, other believes there could be better alternatives to death penalty. Discuss the both point of views.

#people #crime #death #penalty #alternatives #point
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of ways to punish offenders from rehabilitation centres to capital
punishment
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 the degree of their
crime
Use synonyms
 but not every offender should deserve to get capital
punishment
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the following essay will shed light on both facets in forthcoming sections. To
initiate
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, one should say capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 must be given to major
criminals
Use synonyms
 as they have done
such
Linking Words
 a
crime
Use synonyms
 by which multiple people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the community was affected in their routine life. Whenever
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
 kills or harms
law abiding
Add a hyphen
law-abiding
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
then
Linking Words
 kith and kin are
also
Linking Words
 affected by
Add an article
the action
show examples
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 of the criminal. Mass shootings in schools in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 of America
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 prime example of that.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, if those
criminals
Use synonyms
 do not meet with capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 and get away with lighter
punishment
Use synonyms
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
show examples
then
Linking Words
 there is no
guaranty
Replace the word
guarantee
show examples
 that they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not commit
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 again in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there is no way to make the situation better after a serious
crime
Use synonyms
, but some offenders need serious help regarding their mental state. After spending time in jail or rehabilitation centres,
criminals
Use synonyms
 can make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 better and get along well in society.
Criminalscriminals
Correct your spelling
Criminals
 who commit crimes in their early life,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not know better and should given proper care and nourishment to make them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. In Denmark, they do not have capital
punishment
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 they have
program
Add an article
a program
the program
show examples
 to make
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 better citizens to release back into society.
To sum up
Linking Words
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, to make
statement
Add an article
a statement
show examples
 and fear in
criminals
Use synonyms
, capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 is necessary.
However
Linking Words
, it should
be utilise
Change the verb form
be utilised
show examples
 as
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
a last
show examples
 resort and need to make better rules and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 to deal with major crimes.
Submitted by pratik5575 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: