In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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At present, inadequate weight has increased among certain demographics of society as well and their healthy lives are reducing. From my perspective, over-intake in fast foods and lack of exercise are the main causes of these problems.
However
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, arising issues seem to be continuously looming over these prospects which will be discussed below and I will offer my views.
To begin
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with, the rising of weight is significantly increased among
people
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due to
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fast foods. Today,
time
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is money.
Therefore
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,
people
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do not spend much
time
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making
food
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in their homes.
Thus
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, they go to restaurants or street
food
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shops to buy
food
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and save
time
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.
Consequently
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, they can quickly face an illness.
For instance
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, over intake of oils, salts and sugars can lead to heart disease, diabetes, formation of kidney stones and liver failures. Another reason is lack of exercise. In the sophisticated world,
people
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only focus on their work rather than exercise.
As a result
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, their fitness level has decreased consistently.
On the other hand
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, these arising issues should be controlled by their own self and government officials. Remarkably,
people
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should make
food
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in their homes in order to order outside.
Also
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, parents wanted to create a rule for their children and make it a habit to eat a home.
Furthermore
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, the government should create legislation for restaurants to minimize the open hours
as well as
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people
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's fitness. These are some records, in Japan, the government includes free fitness gyms for 24 hours for everyone
while
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they can use their free
time
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.
Therefore
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, Japan's
people
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's average death age is around 90 years old.
That is
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higher than in other countries.
To conclude
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, healthy growth is important for every individual.
Consequently
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, everyone should take care of their own self without depending on others.
Thus
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, they should focus on exercising and healthy intake of
food
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,
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Otherwise
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Otherwise,
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they cannot survive healthily.
Submitted by krishmahendran19 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks clear and comprehensive ideas. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but need further development and specificity.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat maintained, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement. The development of ideas and supporting examples could also be enhanced for better coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The lexical resource demonstrates good range but lacks precision and accuracy in usage. There is a need to improve vocabulary and use more appropriate and specific words and phrases.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is competent but there are instances of grammatical errors, especially in sentence structure. The use of varied and complex sentence structures needs improvement for a higher score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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