IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

#shops #supermarkets #affect #communities #situation
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Nowadays, the rapid expansion of supermarkets and wholesale stores has affected negatively local communities' minimarkets and made them hard to find
due to
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 the rough competition.
this
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 caused many problems for both shop owners and residents of that community. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate more on these problems and suggest some ways to solve them. Most people think about the price tag as a selling point, supermarkets and chine stores frequently provide a better price , especially with online orders that promise next-day delivery.
this
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 is because of the high amount requested from the suppliers and the low cost to shelf display online orders
items
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. Local markets
on the other hand
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 can only have a small number of certain
items
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 in stock to save shelf space
subsequently
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,
this
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 led to a shortage of a lot of favoured
items
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 in these stores pushing away the customers toward the supermarket as a more reliable source. One solution to
this
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 is asking the customers of the local community about their possible future needs, by providing high-demand
items
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 in full stock at all times
for instance
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, eggs, milk, bread and canned foods as these
items
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 would be used up by the end of the day. Another solution is to ask local residents to invest in minimarkets
this
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 will encourage them to have a higher level of loyalty to their local minimarket,
this
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 has been implemented in some countries
such
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 as Kuwait. In conclusion, the competition of local shops with large supermarkets and their online ordering features and promotional prices made it hard for the mini shops to keep business,
however
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 sustainable supply of daily need
items
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 in investment in them can potentially provide loyalty to local shops.
Submitted by fatimahalsalman215 on

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coherence
Improve sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences to enhance readability and coherence.
cohesion
Ensure all ideas are well-connected and flow logically from one to the next, possibly using more cohesive devices or transitional phrases.
task response
Include more specific examples and details to support your main points effectively.
coherence
Check for minor grammatical errors and punctuation to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the impact of competition on local shops and provides relevant solutions.
coherence
The structure includes a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes the essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
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