IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artist should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #artist #alternative #sources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Proponents believe that
artists
such
 as painters, musicians and poets should be supported by the government in terms of money
while
 opponents believe
that is
 not required. The contradictory views need to be discussed in the essay
along with
 my opinion. To embark on, society is complete only when there are all types of skilled individuals.
Artists
 are renowned for their creativity. To be more precise, they help the community to enjoy life through their variety of creations. They convert their imagination to the reality phase.
For instance
, when a painter drew a picture of a fairy that does not mean that person had seen a fairy in real.
In addition
, an artist can make an individual stress-free. To illustrate, many
people
 enjoy music after their hectic work schedule to make them more relaxed.
Thus
 the musician is important for
such
 a group of
people
 who love music.
However
, the government has to
support
 the other group of professionals who are taking care of
people
's lives rather than
artists
. Healthcare professions are getting fewer preferences in terms of economic stability. Authorities have to help them by providing a better salary. To epitome, during the pandemic, health workers have worked for the public by forgetting about their lives.
Also
, tax reduction has to be considered for
such
 professionals rather than creative workers. In my opinion, the government has to provide
support
 to
people
according to
 their importance in society. If they decide to give economic
support
 it must
initially
 provided to
people
 who work in healthcare. To recapitulate,
artists
 help individuals to have a stress-free life
however
, there is another group of professionals who need more
support
 from the authorities than others.
Submitted by ansamerrin987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain flow. Consider linking the counter-arguments more clearly to the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Clarify the role of government support in the arts by expanding on how it could benefit society. Consider balancing the examples provided for healthcare and arts to strengthen arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines both perspectives, setting up a comprehensive discussion.
relevant specific examples
Your essay provides relevant and specific examples to illustrate both sides of the argument, making the points more vivid and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial support
  • creative artists
  • painters
  • musicians
  • cultural heritage
  • economic pressures
  • public investment
  • national reputation
  • tourism
  • economic benefits
  • equal opportunities
  • diverse backgrounds
  • private funding
  • competitive
  • merit-based
  • taxpayers
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • sponsorships
  • grants
  • crowdfunding
  • innovation
  • entrepreneurship
  • commercially aware
  • self-sufficient
What to do next:
Look at other essays: