IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is an argument regarding the monetary allocations made by the state, where there are those who believe that funds should be budgeted to search for life outside
Earth
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.
However
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, opponents think that there are more important matters on
earth
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 that need attention.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and why I think the government needs to
priotize
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 societal issues in its budget. Investing in scientific research regarding other planets has two main advantages. The biggest merit is that it fosters national pride as it speaks a lot about the technological advancement of a country.
For example
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, the citizens of the USA have taken a lot of pride in the fact that they were the first to walk on the moon. Another benefit is that it increases man's knowledge.
This
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 allows people to understand more about the things outside the
earth
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. Notwithstanding, there are different problems that the world is facing that need urgent funding. The most significant one is hunger.
Due to
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 an increased rate of poverty, there are people who are malnourished which has resulted in the death of children that can be useful citizens in the future. To illustrate, in many nations, the gap between the rich and the poor is large,
hence
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, there are residents whose GDP constantly drops. Another pressing problem is child labour, as there are not a lot of resources present to sue companies
such
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 as makeup and clothing industries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 use children to get cheap labour. In conclusion, I think that both schools of thought have their merits.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that concerns like world hunger and child labour need more monetary attention over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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outside space scientific research even though it can bring national pride or increase man's knowledge.
Furthermore
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, in my opinion, humans should be contented with our current
earth
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 and strive to make it a better place.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will make your arguments more compelling and will show a deeper level of analysis.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but some parts can be further clarified for better understanding. Try to avoid some vague expressions and be more specific in your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and is easy to follow. However, you can make the transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is well-developed and supported with sufficient details. This will make your essay appear more coherent and cohesive.
introduction
The introduction is well-written, providing a clear overview of the essay’s main arguments.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and expresses a clear personal opinion.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to cover both perspectives, which shows a balanced approach.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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