People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than for their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is readily apparent that some people think we should take care of our

health

as a duty to society,

whereas

others consider that retaining our physical fitness is just for our own good. I’m going to explain some reasons below. On the one hand, if we underestimate the importance of our

health

, it could create a burden for our country.

For example

, having an exhausted body might

expand

Verb problem

cause

show examples

a variety of severe diseases, and patients need to go to the hospital for treatment, which can cost a lot of resources because of the detrimental illness.

Moreover

, we might pay more

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

, especially in countries that provide great social welfare.

Therefore

this

is an imperative reason why

this

can bring some benefits to the community rather than their advantages. Another persuasive reason is that we can get various benefits from maintaining a healthy body, which saves us a lot of money, time, and effort.

Furthermore

, people with healthy bodies could work more effortlessly and productively, which is obviously a factor in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. It is an obligation to consider that having a healthy lifestyle is significant to society.

In addition

, having a healthy lifestyle promotes not only physical but

also

mental

health

This

is an important factor that affects our

health

. To summarize, I strongly agree with the idea that having a healthy lifestyle is necessary not just for individuals but

also

for society. It is recommended that governments and people should encourage each other to take care of their

health

Submitted by luongtrangnhung283 on Tue Oct 03 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.

task achievement

Expand on your main points and provide more specific examples.

lexical resource

Consider using more varied and precise vocabulary.

grammatical range accuracy

Check your grammar for errors and sentence structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: <4

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

duty
well-being
burden
healthcare systems
productive
economy
example
empower
informed choices

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People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than for their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more People are shifting to a Plant based diet. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to work or study in cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the drawbacks?