People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than for their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is readily apparent that some people think we should take care of our

health

as a duty to society,

whereas

others consider that retaining our physical fitness is just for our own good. I’m going to explain some reasons below. On the one hand, if we underestimate the importance of our

health

, it could create a burden for our country.

For example

, having an exhausted body might

expand

Verb problem

cause

show examples

a variety of severe diseases, and patients need to go to the hospital for treatment, which can cost a lot of resources because of the detrimental illness.

Moreover

, we might pay more

tax

Fix the agreement mistake

taxes

show examples

, especially in countries that provide great social welfare.

Therefore

this

is an imperative reason why

this

can bring some benefits to the community rather than their advantages. Another persuasive reason is that we can get various benefits from maintaining a healthy body, which saves us a lot of money, time, and effort.

Furthermore

, people with healthy bodies could work more effortlessly and productively, which is obviously a factor in their

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. It is an obligation to consider that having a healthy lifestyle is significant to society.

In addition

, having a healthy lifestyle promotes not only physical but

also

mental

health

This

is an important factor that affects our

health

. To summarize, I strongly agree with the idea that having a healthy lifestyle is necessary not just for individuals but

also

for society. It is recommended that governments and people should encourage each other to take care of their

health

Submitted by luongtrangnhung283 on Tue Oct 03 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.

task achievement

Expand on your main points and provide more specific examples.

lexical resource

Consider using more varied and precise vocabulary.

grammatical range accuracy

Check your grammar for errors and sentence structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: <4

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

duty
well-being
burden
healthcare systems
productive
economy
example
empower
informed choices

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Due to several reasons, a considerable number of children use their smartphones for more than one hour in a day. In my opinion, nowadays we are facing a new phrase that is called “Digital Native”. In this case, technology is an unavoidable part of our new generation’s life, which can cause several major drawbacks. Thus, I consider it negative based on reasons that I will discuss bellow.
4
band
some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your opinion
a child's upbringing plays an indisputably important role in shaping a person. Regarding whether children should be allowed to make mistakes, there is a strong case to be made for both sides of debate
7.5
band
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .
Before enrolling in the university, students are allowed to work or travel for a year after they graduate from high school. This unique policy has been applied in some countries in recent years. This essay will further explain both the positive and negative impacts of the policy on pupils.
8
band
More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol and as a result, breaking the law. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?
In recent years, many teenagers breaking the law through consuming drugs and alcohol has become a significant issue. This essay will examine causes and solutions and present my own perspective.
7.5
band
Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem?
Water contamination always is a chronic conundrum for humankind and has worsened in the last few decades, which can be driven by human activities. However, this issue can be mitigated by encompassing the following remedies.

People should look after their health as a duty to the society where they live, rather than for their own benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol and as a result, breaking the law. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem?