IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In your own opinion, what do you think are the factors that contribute to longevity (living a long time)? List some examples and reasons to support your answer.

#factors #longevity #time #list #support
The average
life
 expectancy of humans has increased. I believe the reason could be the advancement in the medical sector and people are conscious about maintaining physical and mental well-being. To embark on, technological development resulted in the healthcare progression. To be more precise, the invention of new medications and advanced equipment has resulted in longevity.
For instance
, a ventilator supports a person, who is not able to breathe independently, and
thus
life
 of that individual will increase.
In addition
, individuals are well aware of the importance of maintaining a balanced diet. ancestors had their food without looking into the nutritious amount
however
, in
this
 modern world, everyone is selective about the good and bad modern world, everyone is selective about good and bad food. To illustrate, an increase in the number of individuals approaching nutritionists has improved.
This
 shows that people are alert about their health.
Moreover
, the individuals are maintaining physical health by going for cycling, jogging and to the gym. It can be seen that many elderly are physically active and they are trying maximum to increase their
life
 period.
For example
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 are more in public areas
such
 as in parks for walking and jogging to maintain physical health to prevent lifestyle diseases.
Also
, they are trying to be stress-free. Many Techniques and treatments are available nowadays to keep the public
free-mind
Correct your spelling
free
show examples
.
Thus
, they will be mentally healthy, which results in an increased lifetime for them. To recapitulate,
life
 expectancy is increasing as people are trying to stay physically and mentally healthy.
Along with
 that advanced medical systems
also
 resulted in increased longevity.
Submitted by ansamerrin987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your ideas.
grammatical range accuracy
Check for errors in grammar and sentence structure, and ensure that your sentences are clear and concise.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: