IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #phones #school
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The most controversial topic in today's world is whether
Children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to
use
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 during their
school
Use synonyms
 days.
whereas
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, others argue that it should be banned.
This
Linking Words
 essay will dive into both of these views.
However
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, In my perspective, the
use
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 of
phones
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 should be banned. First of all,
parents
Use synonyms
 no matter what the situation is should restrain their
children
Use synonyms
 from using
phones
Use synonyms
 as much as possible because it can cause serious damage to their physical and mental health.
For example
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, there was a recent survey carried out by American researchers to see the impact of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
's mental health. The results were as expected the
children
Use synonyms
 using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 regularly lack cognitive ability, compared to
children
Use synonyms
 who don't
use
Use synonyms
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, there are many reasons to allow
children
Use synonyms
 to
access
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
, because they might need them in certain situations.
Such
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 as, some days
parents
Use synonyms
 may be late to pick up their child from
school
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, they would start worrying about their child, so if the child has
access
Use synonyms
 to a phone in
school
Use synonyms
parents
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 can call and inform them.
Therefore
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, the
parents
Use synonyms
 do not have to worry.
Furthermore
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, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should not be given
access
Use synonyms
 to
phones
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
, because it is an addictive device.
Children
Use synonyms
 may be busy using their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 to play games rather than focusing on their studies. Which in fact can lead to poor results.
To conclude
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, considering the
overall
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 facts above, we get a better idea that
access
Use synonyms
 to
smartphones
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 in certain situations is considerable, but they should not be allowed to
use
Use synonyms
 it, because it can hamper their academic life.
Submitted by sakib.sizan on

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task achievement
Provide more examples and specific details to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Consider using paragraphs to organize your ideas.
lexical resource
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your sentence structures to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Review and revise your essay for grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence formation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
What to do next:
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