IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the world of work is changing rapidly employee cannot depend on having same job or same job conditions their entire life. Describe why these changes are taking place and what are your suggestions people new to work to do

The
job
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 sector has seen some quick changes;
as a result
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,
people
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 cannot rely on doing the same
job
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 or having the same
job
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 facilities throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes of
such
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 events and provide suggestions on how to avoid these problems. The chief reason is increasing global competition. As time goes on, the population on
earth
Fix capitalization
Earth
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 will increase, and more
people
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 will apply for the same
job
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.
This
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 causes
job
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 requirements to have a greater threshold. Alongside
this
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, businesses that provide jobs take advantage of
people
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’s desperation and offer only moderate pay.
This
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 pay is not enough to meet the rising cost of living.
Hence
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, we see that many families have shifted to dual incomes (both husbands and wives working) to cover their essential needs. A recent report found that computer science majors experience a 6% unemployment rate; despite
this
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, a majority of
people
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 still opt for
this
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 field, which shows an imbalance between education and the
job
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 market. Another reason is the advancement of technology. AI has seen significant improvements since it was first introduced and has replaced
people
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 in traditional jobs. A lot of artists have lost their jobs recently, as AI can create the same style of art that artists produce in days within minutes. My suggestion to individuals nearing
this
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 phase of life is to be a polymath. A polymath is an individual who has knowledge in various fields, which allows one to stand out from the crowd. By developing expertise in different spheres of work, one can increase their chances of landing a career.
However
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, there may still be a chance that you will not get paid enough. To counter
this
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, I suggest a change in attitude: consider a
job
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 as a learning experience
instead
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 of your main source of income.
This
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 mindset will encourage you to search for a higher-paying
job
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 without overthinking. The chief source of revenue should be investments and entrepreneurship, by dividing a portion of the profit earned from working and using it for
this
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 purpose. It is important to remain patient, as some investments may not yield expected results; eventually,
this
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 flow of money will provide you with anticipated profits. In conclusion, in today’s world, where inflation is continuing to rise, it has become difficult to depend on a
job
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due to
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 increased competition paired with inadequate pay.
However
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, to counter
this
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, it is suggested to develop skills in several sectors of work and save a portion of income for investments.

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organization
Plan ideas in a clear order: first cause, then effect, then a plan for new workers. Use a topic sentence for each paragraph.
evidence
Add more exact facts or examples to back points, with simple numbers if possible.
conclusion
Finish with a short wrap up that restates the main idea and gives a final tip.
lexical
Use easy, precise words. Avoid long phrases. Check tense in verbs.
grammar
Check grammar and link words to help flow. Use words like 'and', 'also', 'but', 'for example'.
content
The essay has a clear plan and a real topic.
content
It gives causes and advice for people who are new to work.
structure
There is a link between change in work and what a person can do next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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