In the past, people used to go to museums to learn facts about culture and history. Nowadays people can find all this freely on the Internet so the museums are no longer important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #museums #facts #culture #history #internet

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In the technological

advencement

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advancement

advancements

age,

people

Use synonyms

can explore everything on the internet, including the cultural and historical

knowledges

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knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

. Some

people

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say it is not

nesccesery

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necessary

anymore to go to

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

a museam

show examples

museam

Correct your spelling

museums

museum

to learn about these issues.

However

Linking Words

, I personally disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement and I going to tell the reason why.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

people

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can only acquire the facts from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online sources but not include real

experiences

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the

Use synonyms

museam

Correct your spelling

museum

can be designed to give you

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real

experiences

Use synonyms

with all

sensories

Replace the word

senses

show examples

, all the

experiences

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you get are touchable, hearable and

some

Change preposition

in some

show examples

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

, you can even smell

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, you can imagine that you go to the

Use synonyms

museam

Correct your spelling

museum

of history and listen to the

sound

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sounds

show examples

like you are in the middle of the

battle field

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battlefield

show examples

, you can smell the blood,

try

Correct word choice

and try

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to touch a real

used-weapon

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used weapon

show examples

, it will be

Correct article usage

an unforgetable

show examples

unforgetable

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unforgettable

Use synonyms

experiences

Fix the agreement mistake

experience

show examples

that the internet cannot give you.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, sometimes the

Use synonyms

museam

Correct your spelling

museum

is not only just

Use synonyms

place

Correct article usage

a place

show examples

, but it is the

place

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that

Correct word choice

where

show examples

people

Use synonyms

can spend valuable time together. The

Use synonyms

museam

Correct your spelling

museum

is always a suitable

place

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to build

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

between

people

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, the parents can bring

your

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

childern

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children

to learn

the

Change preposition

about the

show examples

culture,

the

Correct word choice

and the

show examples

background of

ancients

Correct article usage

the ancients

show examples

on the weekend and spend time together, even the couple can go to

this

Linking Words

kind of

place

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for the first date where they can

know

Verb problem

learn

show examples

each

Change preposition

about each

show examples

other interests there.

To sum up

Linking Words

, the

museams

Correct your spelling

museums

are playing

Wrong verb form

play

show examples

sinigficant

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significant

part

Change preposition

show examples

the real

experince

Correct your spelling

experience

Correct word choice

and learnings

show examples

learnings

Fix the agreement mistake

learning

show examples

and the

place

Use synonyms

where

people

Use synonyms

spend time together,

Hence

Linking Words

, I disagree that the

museams

Correct your spelling

museums

are no longer

necessory

Correct your spelling

necessary

this

Linking Words

digital world. By the way, I would like to recommend that the

Use synonyms

museam

Correct your spelling

museum

owners should always improve their

place

Use synonyms

to serve the new

varoius

Correct your spelling

various

way of learning and

experiencing

Change the form of the verb

experience

show examples

to make the experience more interesting and exciting, and for sure, the government should play an important role for supporting the development of

Use synonyms

museam

Correct your spelling

museum

by funds or public policies to motivate the

Use synonyms

museam

Correct your spelling

museum

to always improve themselves.

Submitted by tah.siwakorn on Sun Oct 08 2023

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

332 words

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