IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people feel that it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #waste #money #species #tiger #whale
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A huge number of people argue that saving endangered animal species,
such
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 as tigers and blue whales, is a loss of money. I believe that spending money on endangered species of
animals
Use synonyms
 is quite beneficial. On the one hand,
government
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 should definitely allocate a large part of its budget
on
Change preposition
to
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 charities and
animals
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' needs. Saving endangered habitats
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 means the reducing risk of dying
ecosystem
Fix the agreement mistake
ecosystems
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 and marine nature processes.
That is
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 why blue whales should be under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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UN protection, as many other
animals
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at
Add a missing verb
are at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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risk of extinction. So,
that is
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 a reason why
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government
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the government
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 should sponsor good conditions for these species in local areas.
For instance
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, lots of developed countries all around the world have their own volunteer programs, which work in cooperation with the local authorities,
it
Correct pronoun usage
They
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to put restrictions on hunting and fishing areas correctly and investigate
animals
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' essential conditions.
That is
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 the reason why
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government
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the government
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 should finance the protection and support
animals
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'
surviving
Replace the word
survival
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.
On the other hand
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,
state's
Correct article usage
the state's
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 money should
be spend
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be spent
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 on public facilities and developing living quality.
Firstly
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, nowadays residents mostly stay in urban areas and they can't observe the real tragedy, which is happening now in wild
environment
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environments
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.
Thus
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, they
are shared
Wrong verb form
share
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 the common opinion,
that is
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 donations on
animals
Use synonyms
 are a waste of budget.
Secondly
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, there are lots of other issues in the world,
besides
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 endangered wildlife. Our generation goes through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wars, natural disasters,
shortage
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shortages
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 of food and water in less developed states and
recently
Correct article usage
a recently
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 increased rate of homelessness. So, in
this
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 case, people don't really want to help
animals
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, because they need to save their children and themselves.
To conclude
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, though I agree that the
government
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 should allocate quite a big part of its budget to maintain
a
Correct article usage
the
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 level of endangered
animals
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 and avoid their number
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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, I think that urgent needs of society, like public services should be covered by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 as well.
Submitted by emmusia2504 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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