IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, some
university
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students
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 have argued that they should learn more about other
subjects
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besides
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 their main
studies
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. Others think that it is only essential to give all their
time
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 and concentrate on their
studies
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 to get a qualification.
Although
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 studying to get a qualification is very difficult and requires
time
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 and effort, I believe that it is important for
university
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students
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 to learn more about other
subjects
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 because it is beneficial for their
future
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. On the one side, for
students
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 to get a qualification at
university
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 that means they should give their
time
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 and effort to study because many
subjects
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 need
time
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 to understand or do research about it.
Students
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 who are studying all the
time
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 to get good marks at some point suffer from stress and pressure and they cannot learn new
subjects
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. To illustrate, in China, 70% of
university
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students
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 are suffering from mental problems
due to
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 their studying different
subjects
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besides
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 their
studies
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 and that ended up many of them leaving
university
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 or studying in other countries. From my perspective,
students
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 should learn more about other
subjects
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 at
university
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 because that prepares them for their
future
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. On the other side, learning other
subjects
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 for
university
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students
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 has benefits for improving their
skills
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 and giving them a variety of information about their
future
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 jobs and the labour market.
For instance
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, many
subjects
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 are very important to teach
students
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 ethics work,
time
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 management, searching
skills
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, computer
skills
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, ..etc. that will be very useful for understanding what will be required from them in
future
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. From my point of view, learning different
subjects
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 at
university
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 is extremely important because recently many companies have required a student’s academic record to be sure that the student has different information and
skills
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. In conclusion, many
students
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 at
university
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 have stress and pressure because of their
studies
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 and they do not have
time
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 to learn new
subjects
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.
However
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, I believe that learning new
subjects
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 is more important for their
future
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 job and life.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view of both sides of the argument. Consider discussing the potential downsides of diversifying studies, which can add depth to your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. A few more linking phrases or transitional sentences would improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to enhance the support for your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states both the topic and your opinion, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion, providing a strong endpoint to the essay.
task achievement
Good use of examples related to stress levels among students in China and the demands of future employers enhances the relevance of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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