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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations, while others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your view.

#people #money #celebrations #waste
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It is considered by some that it is essential to invest a stupendous amount of
money
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 on family
celebrations
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,
while
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 few believe that
money
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 will be wasted if
people
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 spend too much on family
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinions. On the one hand, many think it is important to spend too much
money
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 on family
celebrations
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. It is
due to
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 the fact that
in
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apply
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these days,
people
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 rarely get time to be with each other, and it is through family occasions
people
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 can spend time together.
For instance
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, my uncle is an engineer, and he is a busy person,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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to make the family occasions
enjoyable
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for him at my house that happen once
in
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apply
show examples
a year, I need to organize something big by spending too much so that it becomes memorable
to
Change preposition
for
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 him.
Thus
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, it is important to spend
money
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 extravagantly on family
celebrations
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.
On the other hand
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, others think that it is a waste of
money
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.
Firstly
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, it is
due to
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 the fact that in family
celebrations
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,
people
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 at times spend lots of
money
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 just for one day, and some festival
money
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 can
also
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 be spent on
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
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 as there are
people
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 who cannot eat and enjoy
just
Correct pronoun usage
it just
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 because they have
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
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 of
money
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.
Also
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, if too much
money
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 is spent on occasions like that,
people
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 will not have any savings for themselves. Their living standard will deteriorate, and they will not be able to keep up with
the
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apply
show examples
modern society as items are getting expensive day by day.
Hence
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,
money
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 should be spent wisely on family
celebrations
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. In conclusion, there is a huge debate on
this
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 issue whether
money
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 should be spent extravagantly or not on family
celebrations
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, and
this
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 amount of spending depends on person to person.
Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points.
task achievement
Develop your supporting arguments and examples further to strengthen your overall response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cherish
  • nurture
  • strengthen
  • bond
  • create memories
  • enjoyment
  • sense of belonging
  • reconnect
  • unite
  • traditions
  • create traditions
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • moderation
  • budget
  • frugal
  • extravagant
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