IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Failure is proof that the desire wasn’t strong enough’ To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Some people believe that failing means not having a
desire
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that is
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 strong enough. I think that even though
desire
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 is an important key to success, there are
also
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 other factors that can affect individuals' success path. On the
one
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 hand , favourable results are often attained when individuals have a strong
desire
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 .
In other words
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, not wishing much for something to happen can lead to failure because when people do not feel like a particular action should take place in their life, they do not attract it and,
consequently
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,they do not reach success.
For example
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,
one
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 of my friends, in the morning before a job interview felt like he did not deserve that job, and the result of not having a powerful
desire
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 was him not getting the job.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 other factors that have a big impact on
one
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's failure
such
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 as not putting enough effort and not staying consistent. When people do not work sufficiently for an action, they usually will not attain a positive result.
Furthermore
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, without staying consistent with their work , humans end up not achieving their goals.
For instance
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, if a boy wants to get into a good college, it is not sufficient for him to have a strong
desire
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.He
also
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 needs to put in a lot of effort when he applies and to study daily. In conclusion, I believe that even though a weak
desire
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 can be
one
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 of the failure's causes, not putting in effort and not staying consistent in an action can lead someone to non-success.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the statement and provide a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Further develop and elaborate on the supporting points to provide a more thorough analysis.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to the agreement of subject and verb to improve grammatical accuracy.
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