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Band 6.5

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
Some
people
 believe that we should only be worried about our
country
 and not worry about any other communities. I completely agree that
this
 belief is rational and logical. There are two main reasons that we should not be concerned about other societies.
Firstly
, each
country
 has a leader selected by the
people
 of that
country
.
Hence
, the situation of a
country
 depends on the citizens and their elected leader, so
people
 have to notice that their wrong selections have consequences and they must be careful of them.
Secondly
,
although
 humans all around the world should have friendly relationships with each other, communities are in competition with each other and have to focus on their issues and weaknesses and enhance their conditions in the world.
For instance
,
people
 must be worried about the economic situation of their
country
 and help their government to solve their problems. In my view, first of all, a society should be aware of its own state.
People
 of a state should work hard, support their government, and have strong alliances to improve the living conditions of their
country
. At the same time, it is better to respect their rich cultures and follow their customs in order to keep them alive.
Moreover
, they have to take care of their valuable natural resources, nature, and their wildlife and not damage them. By taking these actions there will be no poverty in their society. In conclusion, my opinion is to only take care of our state and make it a good place to live and not focus on other societies.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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grammatical range accuracy
Check your verb tenses throughout the essay to ensure consistency.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied language to express your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Include a clear opinion statement in your introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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