Companies should provide sport and social facilities for local communities. To what extend do you agree?

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There are different viewpoints regarding who may build
sports
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facilities
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for inhabitants. Some
people
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argue that enterprises should provide them for the public;
however
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, I believe that it is the government’s responsibility There are several benefits for companies when they open
sports
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facilities
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for dwellers.
Firstly
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, the firms can charge an entrance fee for each visitor, the more
people
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attend their place, the more money companies get.
Secondly
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, enterprises can advertise their products and sell them at their
facilities
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.
As a result
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, they will earn lots of money from that and even improve their image among the community.
For instance
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, research indicates that exclusive
facilities
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often make profits for their owners by selling goods and entry tickets.
Moreover
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, these private
facilities
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are often more modern and well-preserving than public spaces;
therefore
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, allowing
people
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to have a suitable place for
sports
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activities.
On the other hand
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, these exclusive areas will often be full of
people
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and the entrance price is not cheap; alternatively, governments have to provide their citizens with free
sports
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facilities
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. In order to improve citizens’ health, these places are important for
people
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to exercise.
As a result
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, not only will the inhabitants’ strength rise, but the countries’ economies will
also
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grow significantly.
For example
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, studies conducted in 2018 showed that healthy dwellers would
make
Verb problem
create
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a strong economy for that country.
Furthermore
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, humans have to pay taxes to the government to enhance our living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
, so demanding free training places is our benefit.
Thus
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, governments have to be responsible for building these places
instead
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of particular companies. In conclusion, there are plenty of positives of having
sports
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facilities
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for
people
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. I consider that If governments funded the
facilities
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and enterprises operated, it would be the best for
people
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.
Submitted by namkhanh.tran2310 on

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer opinion in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Add more transition words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Make sure to use correct grammar forms.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • community well-being
  • corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • healthcare costs
  • public image
  • customer loyalty
  • economic growth
  • community relations
  • job satisfaction
  • balanced lifestyle
  • stimulate local economy
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