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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

PRACTICE 3 - Population of Asian Elephants The graph below shows the number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004

PRACTICE 3 - Population of Asian Elephants The graph below shows the number of Asian elephants between 1997 and 2004
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The diagram above illustrates the estimated highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of Asian elephants.
Overall
Linking Words
, all elephants throughout Asia decreased, with India
had
Wrong verb form
having
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 the biggest
amount
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 and China
had
Wrong verb form
having
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 the least. On the one hand, in the year 1997, India had the most
elephant
Use synonyms
 population with the
amount
Use synonyms
 of 10000 individuals,
follow
Change the form of the verb
followed
show examples
 by Myanmar with 5500 and Thailand with about 4000. But in 2004, the
amount
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 of
Use synonyms
elephant
Fix the agreement mistake
elephants
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 dropped sharply with India
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 by 2000, Myanmar
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 by 200 and Thailand with 2500. Another country with the least
elephant
Use synonyms
 is China with the
number
Use synonyms
 of just nearly 1000.
This
Linking Words
 is because the trend of hunting
Use synonyms
elephant
Fix the agreement mistake
elephants
show examples
 for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 ivory increased in many countries, especially in the one listed above.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
elephant
Change to a plural noun
elephants
show examples
 in Vietnam, Sri Lanka, Laos and Cambodia didn’t
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
show examples
 as much as the countries above. In 1997, the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals in Vietnam, Laos,
Cambodia
Correct word choice
and Cambodia
show examples
nearly
Add a missing verb
was nearly
show examples
 equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each other with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 estimated
amount
Use synonyms
 of about 1000. In 2004, the
number
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 didn’t
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
show examples
 much because those countries had policies which
protect
Wrong verb form
protected
show examples
 the
elephant
Use synonyms
 from danger.
Also
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
elephant
Change to a plural noun
elephants
show examples
 in Sri Lanka didn’t decrease much
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the same reason.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, elephant, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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