Doctors, nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

After
deadly
Correct article usage
the deadly
show examples
Covid-19 pandemic, some
people
consider that
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
workers who make a huge contribution to
society
should earn more than sports and entertainment
people
. In
this
essay I will advocate why I completely agree with
this
proposal, highlighting doctors, nurses and
teachers
’ efforts in order to improve
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
society
.
Firstly
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the development of the science and medical area has changed
people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
life conditions significantly.
However
, the revolution in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pathogens
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been affecting individuals’
health
dramatically. To illustrate, a coronavirus outbreak started three years ago, and millions of
people
died. In order to save lives, a group of scientists and medical workers worked together.
At the end
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several studies and cooperation, a vaccine was invented and thanks to the vaccination millions of
people
were saved.
However
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
scientists and doctors are still suffering from various
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
burdens, and they have not received enough attention compared to sports and entertainment
people
.
Secondly
, providing proper education to children is important to save our future. The next generation should be involved contemporary education system and
teachers
are the main
responsible
Correct pronoun usage
ones responsible
show examples
person in
this
subject.
However
, they
also
suffer from several economic problems, too.
For example
, in Turkey,
teachers
have to find another job to pay their rent and other essential needs. How is it possible for them to focus on their job when they are facing financial issues?
According to research
Change preposition
Research
show examples
related to
teaching
Correct article usage
the teaching
show examples
performance of
teachers
and
learning
Correct article usage
the learning
show examples
abilities of children shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
teachers
are facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several mental
health
problems
such
as anxiety, depression and ADHD
due to
financial problems. The research
also
displays that the cognitive skills and learning abilities of children have decreased remarkably compared to the past.
To conclude
,
while
entertainment and sports
people
have a positive impact on
society
,
health
workers and
teachers
are more vital for
society
, providing
health
care and educating the next generation, respectively. Governments and societies must ensure that these
people
feel secure in terms of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
.
Submitted by hburakdisli on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribution
  • essential services
  • long hours
  • stressful
  • well-being
  • development
  • entertain
  • inspire
  • exorbitant salaries
  • unfair
  • talented individuals
  • professions
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