Doctors, nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sports #celebrities

After

deadly

Correct article usage

the deadly

show examples

Covid-19 pandemic, some

people

consider that

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

workers who make a huge contribution to

society

should earn more than sports and entertainment

people

. In

this

essay I will advocate why I completely agree with

this

proposal, highlighting doctors, nurses and

teachers

’ efforts in order to improve

whole

Correct article usage

the whole

show examples

society

Firstly

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the development of the science and medical area has changed

people’

Change noun form

people’s

show examples

life conditions significantly.

However

, the revolution in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pathogens

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

been affecting individuals’

health

dramatically. To illustrate, a coronavirus outbreak started three years ago, and millions of

people

died. In order to save lives, a group of scientists and medical workers worked together.

At the end

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

several studies and cooperation, a vaccine was invented and thanks to the vaccination millions of

people

were saved.

However

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

scientists and doctors are still suffering from various

economical

Correct word choice

economic

show examples

burdens, and they have not received enough attention compared to sports and entertainment

people

Secondly

, providing proper education to children is important to save our future. The next generation should be involved contemporary education system and

teachers

are the main

responsible

Correct pronoun usage

ones responsible

show examples

person in

this

subject.

However

, they

also

suffer from several economic problems, too.

For example

, in Turkey,

teachers

have to find another job to pay their rent and other essential needs. How is it possible for them to focus on their job when they are facing financial issues?

According to research

Change preposition

Research

show examples

related to

teaching

Correct article usage

the teaching

show examples

performance of

teachers

and

learning

Correct article usage

the learning

show examples

abilities of children shows that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

teachers

are facing

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

several mental

health

problems

such

as anxiety, depression and ADHD

due to

financial problems. The research

also

displays that the cognitive skills and learning abilities of children have decreased remarkably compared to the past.

To conclude

while

entertainment and sports

people

have a positive impact on

society

health

workers and

teachers

are more vital for

society

, providing

health

care and educating the next generation, respectively. Governments and societies must ensure that these

people

feel secure in terms of

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

Submitted by hburakdisli on Sat Oct 21 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

330 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

contribution
essential services
long hours
stressful
well-being
development
entertain
inspire
exorbitant salaries
unfair
talented individuals
professions

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Tourism activities might influence cultural views from both the tourists and local citizens.
5.5
band
3.Tourism has become one of the leading sources of revenue in many countries. Do the advantages of tourism outweigh the disadvantages?
A common trend frequently around the increase in tourism makes some countries much more developed than in the past which is handling the unemployment issue as well as reduced urbanization outweighed the snag is the cultural interference.
7.5
band
You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter Say where you left the paper Explain why they are so important Tell the manager what you want him/her to do
I attended the meeting that was held this afternoon at Moon Hotel. Unfortunately, I left some important papers in your hotel. I am writing this letter to ask for your help.
6
band
some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your opinion.
Improving the citizens ‘health has many different ways, although some believe that, the best method is to raise sports equipment, others assume society needs other ways to achieve high quality of health, such as enriching food and also avoiding using harmful materials which they are useful as body activity. In my opinion, a variety of factors affect our health.
7
band
Some people think that young children benefit from going to nursery school before starting primary school. Others think it is better for young children to stay all day with their families. Siscuss both views and give your opinion.
A few people opine that children, in their formative years, ought to attend kindergarten, whereas others believe that early childhood days should be spent with their families. I intend to discuss both views followed by my own opinion in the subsequent paragraphs.

Doctors, nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

3.Tourism has become one of the leading sources of revenue in many countries. Do the advantages of tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter Say where you left the paper Explain why they are so important Tell the manager what you want him/her to do

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that young children benefit from going to nursery school before starting primary school. Others think it is better for young children to stay all day with their families. Siscuss both views and give your opinion.