Doctors, nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sports #celebrities

After

deadly

Correct article usage

the deadly

show examples

Covid-19 pandemic, some

people

consider that

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

workers who make a huge contribution to

society

should earn more than sports and entertainment

people

. In

this

essay I will advocate why I completely agree with

this

proposal, highlighting doctors, nurses and

teachers

’ efforts in order to improve

whole

Correct article usage

the whole

show examples

society

Firstly

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the development of the science and medical area has changed

people’

Change noun form

people’s

show examples

life conditions significantly.

However

, the revolution in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

pathogens

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

been affecting individuals’

health

dramatically. To illustrate, a coronavirus outbreak started three years ago, and millions of

people

died. In order to save lives, a group of scientists and medical workers worked together.

At the end

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

several studies and cooperation, a vaccine was invented and thanks to the vaccination millions of

people

were saved.

However

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

scientists and doctors are still suffering from various

economical

Correct word choice

economic

show examples

burdens, and they have not received enough attention compared to sports and entertainment

people

Secondly

, providing proper education to children is important to save our future. The next generation should be involved contemporary education system and

teachers

are the main

responsible

Correct pronoun usage

ones responsible

show examples

person in

this

subject.

However

, they

also

suffer from several economic problems, too.

For example

, in Turkey,

teachers

have to find another job to pay their rent and other essential needs. How is it possible for them to focus on their job when they are facing financial issues?

According to research

Change preposition

Research

show examples

related to

teaching

Correct article usage

the teaching

show examples

performance of

teachers

and

learning

Correct article usage

the learning

show examples

abilities of children shows that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

teachers

are facing

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

several mental

health

problems

such

as anxiety, depression and ADHD

due to

financial problems. The research

also

displays that the cognitive skills and learning abilities of children have decreased remarkably compared to the past.

To conclude

while

entertainment and sports

people

have a positive impact on

society

health

workers and

teachers

are more vital for

society

, providing

health

care and educating the next generation, respectively. Governments and societies must ensure that these

people

feel secure in terms of

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

Submitted by hburakdisli on Sat Oct 21 2023

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

330 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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11 Most Commonly Used English Expressions »

Topic Vocabulary:

contribution
essential services
long hours
stressful
well-being
development
entertain
inspire
exorbitant salaries
unfair
talented individuals
professions

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Doctors, nurses, and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

over population of urban areas has lead to numerous problems. identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals tackle these problems.

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantage of owing a smartphone outweigh the disadvantage?

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on alien planets. Some people think that the government is wasting money and should spend money addressing the problems of the public. To what extent do you agree?

Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities.