IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant experience from your own experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Our young generation faces many health issues these days, out of which
obesity
Use synonyms
 is the most common in many countries. There are several causes of
this
Linking Words
 situation but the most highlighted are processed food, no workout, and genetic factors. The possible solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is to maintain a healthy lifestyle and for government, they can help their people by arranging seminars. I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 in detail in
this
Linking Words
 essay below.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the reasons, there are several reasons but children's diet plays a significant role in their
obesity
Use synonyms
. Most youngsters prefer to eat junk food
that is
Linking Words
 not healthy and contains a lot of carbohydrates, and sugar content which are the main elements that increase weight.
For example
Linking Words
, food like burgers, pizzas, and chips are common and they are not good for their health and
hence
Linking Words
 can damage their body structure.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are no outdoor activities and they want to play indoor games
while
Linking Words
 sitting on sofas.
For instance
Linking Words
, kids usually play video games like PUBG which is totally a video-based game and can have a negative impact on their bodies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are some possible solutions like if they can add exercise and adopt a healthy diet. They can tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem easily.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the government can
also
Linking Words
 take a few steps in order to guide their parents by arranging a program in which they tell them about diet plans and exercise and other activities that can help them to remain fit and healthy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a factor that contributes to
obesity
Use synonyms
 as genetic factors that totally depend on genes but it can be cured if we take good care of ourselves and our children. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
obesity
Use synonyms
 is becoming the capital talk of many countries, it can be addressed
otherwise
Linking Words
 we will face huge health problems. We can tackle
this
Linking Words
 by maintaining a healthy lifestyle and adding exercise.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • balanced diet
  • fast food
  • sugary snacks
  • physical activity
  • nutrition education
  • health campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • government regulations
  • home-cooked meals
  • extracurricular sports
  • digital entertainment
  • sedentary behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays: