IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose to not work. Do you agree or disagree?

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With many
people
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, the rejection of working should be always chosen if they are asked to live without working or dedicate a major amount of time to work.
This
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 essay aims to explain the writer’s opposition to the mentioned view. Advocates of working abandonment may argue that nowadays, the traditional workforce is being replaced by robots and new technologies. Driveless
car
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cars
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 using satellite maps, GPS, and intelligent processing chips,
for instance
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, can be used
instead
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 of recruiting human workers.
As a result
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,
people
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 could have more time to enjoy life
while
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 the manufacture of essential goods can still be ensured thanks to automatic systems.
Nevertheless
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, these modern gadgets sometimes have numerical errors, which might cause a large-scale crisis
such
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 as the radical accident of Chornobyl, so
people
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 must have
a
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apply
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control of them, ensuring the efficiency and quality of products,
along with
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 human existence. Working
bring
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brings
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 many benefits to individuals.
Firstly
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, through jobs, the sense of accomplishment and self-deprived from work can make individual life more exciting and meaningful as the productivity of a worker can result in their social status and affluence. Even when doing leisure activities, like watching films, we cannot feel dull and uninterested unless
people
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 use their cognitive abilities to conduct productive tasks,
for example
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, working
the
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on the
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 meaning of films or
making
Verb problem
apply
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evaluation
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evaluating
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on
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apply
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the quality.
On the other hand
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, the workplace can enhance and expand one’s interpersonal networks through teamwork projects and helping others, fostering a sense of living in a community. In conclusion, productive activities are vital to society
although
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 some conventional tasks are being completed by robots and new technologies. The feelings of achievement and work-orienting
as well as
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 the meaning of being a part of society, are some advantages of working.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. However, ensure the introduction clearly states your stance. For instance, specify whether you agree or disagree upfront rather than just mentioning your opposition to the view.
task achievement
While the main points are supported, some examples could be more relevant and aligned with your arguments. For instance, the Chernobyl accident may not directly relate to the argument about robotics replacing human labor. Consider using more focused examples, such as automated factories or AI in customer service.
general
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing such as 'self-deprived from work'. Proofreading to correct these would enhance the overall readability and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow with clear paragraphs addressing distinct points, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates your stance, rounding off the essay neatly.
clear comprehensive ideas
You used some advanced vocabulary and expressions like 'sense of accomplishment' and 'interpersonal networks', which add depth to your writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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