When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose to not work. Do you agree or disagree?
With many
people
, the rejection of working should be always chosen if they are asked to live without working or dedicate a major amount of time to work. This
essay aims to explain the writer’s opposition to the mentioned view.
Advocates of working abandonment may argue that nowadays, the traditional workforce is being replaced by robots and new technologies. Driveless car
using satellite maps, GPS, and intelligent processing chips, Fix the agreement mistake
cars
for instance
, can be used instead
of recruiting human workers. As a result
, people
could have more time to enjoy life while
the manufacture of essential goods can still be ensured thanks to automatic systems. Nevertheless
, these modern gadgets sometimes have numerical errors, which might cause a large-scale crisis such
as the radical accident of Chornobyl, so people
must have a
control of them, ensuring the efficiency and quality of products, Remove the article
apply
along with
human existence.
Working bring
many benefits to individuals. Change the verb form
brings
Firstly
, through jobs, the sense of accomplishment and self-deprived from work can make individual life more exciting and meaningful as the productivity of a worker can result in their social status and affluence. Even when doing leisure activities, like watching films, we cannot feel dull and uninterested unless people
use their cognitive abilities to conduct productive tasks, for example
, working the
meaning of films or Change preposition
on the
making
Verb problem
apply
evaluation
Replace the word
evaluating
on
the quality. Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, the workplace can enhance and expand one’s interpersonal networks through teamwork projects and helping others, fostering a sense of living in a community.
In conclusion, productive activities are vital to society although
some conventional tasks are being completed by robots and new technologies. The feelings of achievement and work-orienting as well as
the meaning of being a part of society, are some advantages of working.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion. However, ensure the introduction clearly states your stance. For instance, specify whether you agree or disagree upfront rather than just mentioning your opposition to the view.
task achievement
While the main points are supported, some examples could be more relevant and aligned with your arguments. For instance, the Chernobyl accident may not directly relate to the argument about robotics replacing human labor. Consider using more focused examples, such as automated factories or AI in customer service.
general
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing such as 'self-deprived from work'. Proofreading to correct these would enhance the overall readability and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow with clear paragraphs addressing distinct points, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reiterates your stance, rounding off the essay neatly.
clear comprehensive ideas
You used some advanced vocabulary and expressions like 'sense of accomplishment' and 'interpersonal networks', which add depth to your writing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?