IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Th graph below show the enquiries received by the tourist information office in on city over a six-month period in 2011

Th graph below show the enquiries received by the tourist information office in on city over a six-month period in 2011
The line graph depicts how many queries were obtained by the tourist information office in one city during a
six month
Add a hyphen
six-month
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of enquiries received in person and by telephone had increased, but the quantity of queries obtained by letter or e-mail had decreased, during the
period
Use synonyms
 given. Looking at the details,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 from January onwards the
number
Use synonyms
 of
questions
Use synonyms
 obtained by the telephone was the highest, at around 900, and
then
Linking Words
 fell to 800 in February. After a month, the
number
Use synonyms
 rose again to 1000, before being overtaken by face-to-face in mid-March and remaining in second
place
Use synonyms
 until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
similarly
Change the word
Similar
show examples
 to the telephone enquiries, In person
questions
Use synonyms
 start from the lowest position at about 400,
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
shoot
Wrong verb form
shooting
show examples
 up to 600 and 800 in February and March respectively. In April, it
occupies
Wrong verb form
occupied
show examples
first
place
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
about 1300 and still jumped up by 700
questions
Use synonyms
 in Jun.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in terms of the
number
Use synonyms
 of enquiries received by letter or e-mail, it started from second
place
Use synonyms
 with around 690
questions
Use synonyms
 in January,
then
Linking Words
 declined to around 650 in February. In March it fell slightly to around 640, putting it in third
place
Use synonyms
, and continued to fall until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
, by 140 queries.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words period, number, questions, place with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: