Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people feel that protecting the traditional
cultures
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of their own nations is less essential than introducing new
cultures
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into them. Others think that it is still more important to maintain their cultural norms and traditions than anything else. Even though there are pros and cons concerning
this
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topic, I believe that the former viewpoint is more significant than the latter as I will explain. First of all, incorporating some new
cultures
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can lead a country to
further
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development.
According to
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some literature preserved in the Tokyo Museum, more than 70% of Japanese restaurants suffered from the astronomical deficit
due to
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the limited variations in their menus.
However
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, by introducing a wide variety of eccentric foods
such
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as Chinese
food
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and Italian
food
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, more than 90% of the national
food
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industries, including restaurants and factories, experienced a significant increase in sales figures, resulting in their economic growth.
However
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, in my opinion,
this
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can be solved by raising people’s awareness of the importance of domestic
food
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. Turning to the importance of cultural preservation,
culture
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is rooted in our life ranging from
food
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and clothes to languages and technology. In terms of languages, in
this
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world, there are an increasing number of languages that are becoming extinct.
This
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is attributed to the incorporation of new
cultures
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into their own
cultures
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.
For instance
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, in Hong Kong, the native language spoken by Hong Kong residents is Cantonese.
However
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,
due to
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the progress of globalization around the world, the language is on the verge of replacement. Actually, more and more people in Hong Kong nowadays use English
instead
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of Cantonese.
That is
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to say, a part of their
culture
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might be in danger in the near future. As human beings, our original
culture
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is more valuable than new
cultures
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for the sake of well-being. In conclusion, it is argued that we should protect our original
cultures
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before anything else. In my opinion, I believe that we should focus more on preserving our own
culture
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than on incorporating new ones into ours because each
culture
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has a root of its own
culture
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, where people feel necessary to live.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents your opinion; however, consider rephrasing 'the former viewpoint is more significant than the latter' for clarity. Maybe mention how both viewpoints have merit before leaning towards your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your argument structure is generally logical, but try to ensure each paragraph has a clearer central idea. For instance, the transition between the economic impact of new cuisines and the cultural elements could be smoother.
Task Achievement
While you provide some relevant examples, make sure that each example specifically supports the argument you are making in that paragraph. Providing an example of domestic food awareness would also strengthen your argument.
Positive Highlight
Your use of specific examples, like the impact of new cuisines on Japanese restaurants, adds depth to your arguments and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Positive Highlight
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument before concluding with your opinion, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • traditional customs
  • cultural heritage
  • personal identity
  • community identity
  • folk traditions
  • cultural roots
  • cultural preservation
  • societal norms
  • modern influences
  • cultural evolution
  • intergenerational transmission
  • cultural significance
  • relevance of traditions
  • identity formation
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