IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best road to a success career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #road #success #career #job #school
People
's opinions differ as to whether young
people
 will benefit more from continuing higher
education
 or
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 work.
While
 some argue that having a job from an early age is more advantageous, I still believe that
students
 will become more successful if they enter universities. There are various reasons why some
people
 assert that teenagers should start working after school rather than enrol on a university.
Firstly
, it appears that those who have worked for a long period of time, have gained even more experience and expertise in their certain career field, compared to a person who has been taught some theories without any practical skills.
Secondly
, from a monetary perspective, it is more logical that a person save more money and
therefore
 have financial security by
start working
Wrong verb form
starting to work
show examples
 in youth. Despite the above arguments, I believe that it is more beneficial for
students
 to pursue the higher
education
 they are willing to. Through
education
 at universities,
students
 are more likely to meet more prosperity and higher job levels and they
therefore
 become prepared to be a chairman or employer
instead
 of a simple employee or an operator.
Besides
, not all careers accept an under-educated workforce.
For example
, you will
defenitely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 not work as a doctor if you have not studied medicine.
Finally
, university campuses not only provide
students
 with professional communications but
also
 introduce them to special job opportunities. In conclusion, I believe that young
people
 will thrive more if they pursue higher
education
 at college and working
instead
, would not necessarily bring them a better life quality.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to fully address all aspects of the essay prompt. Ensure that your arguments are balanced and supported with evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. However, to improve further, try to provide more specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is appropriate, but consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammatical accuracy is strong. However, be mindful of sentence structures and ensure proper subject-verb agreement throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: