IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best road to a success career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #road #success #career #job #school
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People
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's opinions differ as to whether young
people
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 will benefit more from continuing higher
education
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 or
start
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starting
show examples
 work.
While
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 some argue that having a job from an early age is more advantageous, I still believe that
students
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 will become more successful if they enter universities. There are various reasons why some
people
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 assert that teenagers should start working after school rather than enrol on a university.
Firstly
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, it appears that those who have worked for a long period of time, have gained even more experience and expertise in their certain career field, compared to a person who has been taught some theories without any practical skills.
Secondly
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, from a monetary perspective, it is more logical that a person save more money and
therefore
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 have financial security by
start working
Wrong verb form
starting to work
show examples
 in youth. Despite the above arguments, I believe that it is more beneficial for
students
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 to pursue the higher
education
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 they are willing to. Through
education
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 at universities,
students
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 are more likely to meet more prosperity and higher job levels and they
therefore
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 become prepared to be a chairman or employer
instead
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 of a simple employee or an operator.
Besides
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, not all careers accept an under-educated workforce.
For example
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, you will
defenitely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 not work as a doctor if you have not studied medicine.
Finally
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, university campuses not only provide
students
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 with professional communications but
also
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 introduce them to special job opportunities. In conclusion, I believe that young
people
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 will thrive more if they pursue higher
education
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 at college and working
instead
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, would not necessarily bring them a better life quality.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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task response
Make sure to fully address all aspects of the essay prompt. Ensure that your arguments are balanced and supported with evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion. However, to improve further, try to provide more specific examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is appropriate, but consider incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammatical accuracy is strong. However, be mindful of sentence structures and ensure proper subject-verb agreement throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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