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Band 7.5

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #buildings #ones
Maintaining historical sites is a controversial topic among societies. Some advocates argue that some specific out-range properties are worth it to preserve in comparison with others. I vehemently agree with
this
 assertion due different capabilities that they have and they are part of any civilisation's identity.
To begin
 with, there are convenient reasons in order to protect some old sites.
Firstly
, some of them are still available to be used and they should be preserved.
In other words
, they can be used as a museum which attracts tourists from all around the world or they can be the basement of governments.
For instance
, in Iran Sadabad Castle is the prime minister's workplace which is suitable for all political activities.
Secondly
, some of them are inherent parts of society's identity.
consequently
, people do their utmost to protect and save them for their offspring.
Hence
, some old buildings are full of historical stories about human ancestors like the Egyptian pyramids they give us information about Egypt's knowledge at that time.
However
, some may claim that all outrange property should be seen equally because all of them are important for the human race. They say these buildings can help communities to move forward and make life easier for them.
However
,
this
 notion was simply overlooked and they did not pay attention to a considerable amount of money that would be burned by governments in order to maintain all of them.
To sum up
, some proponents assume that some old castles are more valuable to protect
in contrast
 with others. I strongly agree with
this
 notion because of the features of those monuments and being part of societies' identity.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is fairly good, but there are moments where the connectivity between ideas is not as clear. Try to use transitional devices to improve the coherence of your writing.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, and you provide relevant examples to support your points. However, there are times when the main points could be further elaborated to enhance the overall cohesiveness of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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