IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

A country's success is often measured by its economic progress, but many people believe that other factors should be utilized.

#country #success #progress #people #factors
Many
people
 gauge a
country
's
success
 by its economic progress;
however
,
this
 can often be very misleading. There are many other
factors
 that can give a clearer picture of a nation's
success
, and I think that the most important
factor
 is the
people
's
level
 of
happiness
.
To begin
 with, just because a
country
 is wealthy does not mean that it is successful. The two richest
countries
 in the
world
 are the United States and China, but the distribution of wealth in both
countries
 is very uneven. There are many other
factors
 that are much more accurate indicators of a
country
's
success
.
One
such
factor
 is the rate of immigration vs emigration. If the number of
people
 moving into a
country
 is greater than the number of
people
 that are leaving the
country
,
then
 it is probably a good place to live. Other
factors
 include the
people
's access to good quality healthcare, the amount of government corruption, and the
level
 of social support.
While
 these are all important
factors
, I think that the
people
's
level
 of
happiness
 is the best indicator of a
country
's
success
. Every year, a group within the United Nations surveys a sample of
people
 from
countries
 around the
world
. The data that they compile is used to generate the
World
Happiness
 Report. The survey asks
people
 to evaluate their lives on a scale from 0 to 10 based on parameters like GDP per capita, access to healthcare, corruption and social support. For the
last
 six years, the happiest
country
 in the
world
 has been Finland. Finland may not be
one
 of the richest
countries
 in the
world
, but its
people
 are comfortable and well taken care of by the government. In conclusion, economic progress is
one
factor
 in determining which
countries
 are the most successful. But it is just
one
 of the many that make up the most important
factor
 of all, which is their
level
 of
happiness
.
Submitted by dewifarraprasasya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the scope of the essay and provides a brief overview of the points that will be discussed. The conclusion should effectively summarize the key points and restate the thesis in a compelling way.
Coherence and Cohesion
To score higher in the logical structure, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas, making the argument more fluent and easier to follow. Use varied connective words and avoid repeating the same transitions.
Coherence and Cohesion
To better support the main points, it would be beneficial to provide more detailed examples and evidence. This would strengthen the argument and provide a more convincing case.
Task Achievement
For complete response, ensure you fully explore all parts of the prompt. If the prompt mentions multiple factors, it is important to treat each one with the same level of detail and scrutiny.
Task Achievement
While you have demonstrated a good ability to express comprehensive ideas, high-scoring essays often contain sophisticated insights and deeper analysis. Try to probe further into the implications and consequences of the points you raise.
Task Achievement
The use of specific examples can be improved by citing real-world evidence, statistics, and case studies where applicable. This will add credibility to the argument and demonstrate an understanding of the applied context of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: