IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect. Others think consuming domestic products is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #products #effect
There is a common belief that individuals are influenced by several
advertisements
 not solely on their regular commutes but
also
 frequently on the internet in their lives. There is a more persuasive argument that these
advertisements
 negatively result in citizen's awareness and their routine activities. Many think that businesses and companies are abusing the internet or technology advancements to raise their brand's recognition, promote their products, and increase sales. If residents see
advertisements
 many times on their social media sites or in daily life, it will build up their consciousness and values progressively.
Therefore
, they will have a tendency to judge or accept the products' profit as what they have witnessed before.
For instance
, Coca-Cola has advertised their brand new Coca-Cola Zero drink, which contains nearly 0% sugar
in particular
 net weight in a soda can, as they revealed.
As a result
, these customers consume more and more Coca-Cola goods, though it still severely affects their health, as it is the amount of carbohydrates included.
However
, I am of the opinion that companies may cater to numerous pessimistic consequences to society through their
advertisements
. When businesses want to boost their goods and expand their prestige more than other rivals, they invest in media or create many junk
advertisements
.
Thus
, these can make people feel inadequate and disturbed by spamming commercial videos and organizing many marketing campaigns.
For example
, YouTube ads gained payments from entrepreneurs to previously show clips of
advertisements
 whenever videos are played, causing poor user experiments and feedback.
Furthermore
, they can influence our thoughts and decisions, resulting in adverse outcomes
such
 as environmental degradation and superficiality.
To sum up
,
while
 it is apparent that publicizing announcements is strongly changing people's perceptions, it is undeniable that these ads negatively impact humankind.
Submitted by thinhhppro123 on

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task achievement
You need to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. Keep it up.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied language to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your grammar, especially sentence structure and verb tenses.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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