Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that plenty of celebrities are most likely famous for allure and affluence
instead
of their attainments. Many people
concerned that Add a verb
people are
people were
this
might have a negative impact to
young individuals who follow them and I would strongly agree.
Change preposition
on
To begin
with, teenagers can be easily influenced by the wrong models since they are in
a very sensitive age. Change preposition
at
While
the new generation has been growing up using the internet without being educated on how to use it, there are higher chances of being affected by false idols who advertise that being rich is the main ambition. For example
, on social media celebrities usually upload images, which imply that in purpose to have a successful life you have to be wealthy. In this
case, adults should guide their kids about the real values of life, like ss hard work.
Furthermore
, incorrect role models might affect teenagers’ mental health. For instance
, since young
population admire others’ people life, not for their achievements but for their wealth, they probably would desire to purchase things they advertise even if they are unfordable. Correct article usage
the young
As a consequence
, they will feel depressed if their parents can not afford them and peer pressure from others who already own them.
In conclusion, I advocate it is paramount of importance for kids to be guided by guardians in order to avoid being victims of materialistic aspects, be more objective with people who idealize and encourage them to look up to individuals who have made a difference in the world.Submitted by mdramountane on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed and that the response is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow and structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, including correct verb tenses and word forms.
