IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In the developed world ,average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world ,the typical lifespan is increasing significantly.Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that the trend is a positive development.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 following essay will discuss the effect of
this
Linking Words
 positive trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and some of the ways that could be considered in addressing the problem. It is a fact that
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer because of the advancement of technology.Despite the positive development,the ageing population has caused some
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 for
governments
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 if
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of senior
people
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
governments
Use synonyms
 will spend a lot of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 the growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 will be caused
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 density problems.
As a result
Linking Words
,the demand will rise for accommodation and increase the
prise
Correct your spelling
price
show examples
 of properties.
However
Linking Words
,there are some steps that
governments
Use synonyms
 could consider to resolve the issue.One of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 is that
governments
Use synonyms
 must extend pension
age
Use synonyms
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.Many countries have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 standard pension
age
Use synonyms
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of 55 years old,and they must extend the
age
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 60 or 65 years.Because the old
people
Use synonyms
 look still in a healthy and prime condition.
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way,
governments
Use synonyms
' spending will reduce for the retired
people
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,the world
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 developing rapidly in the
last
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
few years,money
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 being spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 by
governments
Use synonyms
 and the
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 have caused
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation could be solved by
governments
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by saydullayevkozim920 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are addressed and fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas logically and provide clear transitions between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Improve sentence structure and grammar usage.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: