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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

the graph below show the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#show #shops #country
The given line graph illustrates how many
store
Change to a plural noun
stores
show examples
 was closed and new store
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opened in a particular country over a period of 7 years from 2011 to 2018. Units are measured in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of times
close
Correct pronoun usage
they close
show examples
 and open per year.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the shop with the highest level at the start of
close
Replace the word
closing
show examples
shops
 slightly dropped
whereas
 the opening
shops
 experienced a dramatic decrease throughout the given period. In terms of the shop with the highest level at the start, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of opening
shops
 stood at exactly 8500 in 2011. The consumption
then
 declined significantly by precisely 4000 in the next year, 2012. It
then
 experienced a dramatic increase to 6000 in 2014. From
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 point onwards, it
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 moderately and hit a trough
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 3000 in 2018. Regarding the typical
shops
 with the second highest level at the start, closure
shops
 started at exactly 6500 in 2011. The figure for
close
Replace the word
closed
show examples
shops
 decreased slightly to around 6000 in 2014 before hitting a trough at exactly 500 in 2015. After that, the graph experienced a dramatic growth and remained stable by 10% between 2016 and 2018.
Submitted by aulia2207nadila on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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