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Band 7.5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years
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The rate of childhood obesity in the civilized world has been elevated by close to 20% in a decade. To
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 with, it is a fact that the human body requires a balanced diet: which is the most important aspect of building up the needed day-to-day activities of the systemic growth of each individual.
However
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, consuming unhealthy substances which are common among youth can cause various health problems like being overweight, which is one of the leading inclinations among others.
For example
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, many children nowadays rely on fast food or pre-prepared meals. These foods often contain too many fat products, salt, and sugar;
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 is because they are cheap to buy, easy to prepare, and above, all readily available for consumption.
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, many young people have grown up on
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 convenience and equally enjoy the constant availability of these foods. The mentioned causes have impacts on the well-being of individuals. The foremost effect seen is on the cardiovascular system (the heart), giving rise to ailments like increasing and uncontrolled blood pressure, aneurysms, and other related conditions, which in turn cause life-threatening situations like cardiac arrest. The other repercussion is diabetes, which is managed throughout the person's existence and can lead to organ failure if there is no drug compliance as there must be a need for everyday usage of medications.
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,
to conclude
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 the topic, it can be
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 commented that consuming unhealthy diets like fast food and pre-prepared meals has a bad effect on the body system. So, we should make it a duty to be conscious of what the growing child eats, and homemade food from natural resources will be of great help.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main idea and that there is a clear progression from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
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lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure accuracy.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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