IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most people accept that we now love in a globalised world but not everyone agrees that this is beneficial.

#people #love #world
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When the
world
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 boundary is reduced,
people
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 of the
world
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 can become acquainted.
This
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 can bring the
world
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 together to create the
world
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 population as the
world
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 becomes
one
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.
This
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 creates
globalisation
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 which is accepted by most but not by some. Personally,
this
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 is a positive for everyone who lives in the present time. There are reasons to support the claim. To start with. The obvious advantage of
globalisation
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 is that
people
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 can thrive to survive in the hard conditions when they are familiar with
one
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 another.
Globalisation
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 helps prepare
people
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 to adapt to a changing environment.
This
Linking Words
 can benefit them when they want to migrate to another country. They would not spend time
on
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apply
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adapting to the new environment.
Also
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, the host country can benefit from
globalisation
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 when they are in need of more population.
Moreover
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, another impact of
globalisation
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 on the
world
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 is that
people
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 will become more harmonious as
people
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 will help each other more. Since the
world
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 is globalised, the language barrier will be lessened. In consequence, it will become less complex for
people
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 to communicate and help each other to finish the tasks. In conclusion, despite the fact that some
people
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 do not agree with
globalisation
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, most
people
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 see
this
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 as an advantage of the
people
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 in the modern
world
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. As
people
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 have their own free will, they live and move
to
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apply
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anywhere they prefer.
Globalisation
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 really helps
this
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 happen.
People
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 will become
one
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 global population, and
globalisation
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 can help mitigate the conflicts that may occur
due to
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 different perspectives when they have to live together in
one
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 place.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction lacks clarity and does not clearly state your position on whether globalization is beneficial or not. Make sure to clearly state your position and provide an overview of the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is too brief and does not effectively summarize your main points. Provide a clear summary of your main arguments and restate your position on the topic.
task achievement
You have effectively presented your main points and provided reasons to support your claims. However, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and you have addressed all parts of the task. However, try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging potential drawbacks of globalization and addressing counterarguments.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is appropriate and you effectively convey your ideas. However, try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures. However, pay attention to sentence structure and ensure that your sentences are clear and concise.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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