IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays tend to marry and have children in their thirties rather than at a younger age. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#people #children #thirties #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most
people
Use synonyms
 are inclined to get married
as well as
Linking Words
 have their children in their middle age rather than in the immature younger age.
However
Linking Words
, the tendency to marry in the late thirties or even forties has become quite common in today's world. The following paragraphs will discuss the pros and cons of getting married in the 30s. On the one hand, the advantage to
people
Use synonyms
 who get married in their thirties ages is that it is highly possible to have many possibilities to be pregnant in order to raise the next generation and build a fulfilling family. From my personal view, I am a woman who got married at a young age, twenty-three.
Due to
Linking Words
 my health stature and body condition, after marrying for three months, I successfully got pregnant with ease.
However
Linking Words
, one of my classmates in college decided to marry her soulmate at forty. Many years have passed, and she is still trying hard to get pregnant and has been treated for a long time. They have been spending substantial money and dedicating their time to having a baby to fulfil their family dream.
Therefore
Linking Words
, for the purpose of having a child,
people
Use synonyms
 should take getting married into account in their thirties. The disadvantage of being married in their 30s is that they are very likely to miss the right person for
marriage
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, they possess more time to enjoy the world, achieve imperative personal goals and dreams, and focus on their own tertiary independently. For illustrious, one of my friends desires to accomplish her doctoral degree in England.
However
Linking Words
, her boyfriend's parents hope they can marry soon before she is thirty. She set up
this
Linking Words
 goal for her first achievement after graduating with her master's. She considered if she stepped into the
marriage
Use synonyms
, she would be disturbed by the new life schedule and rush her mindset because she would join the other family. In that case, she turned down his boyfriend's decision but concentrated on her life determination for the degree.
However
Linking Words
, she is in her 40s now, and she’s not met anyone suitable for
marriage
Use synonyms
 after her ex-boyfriend, in spite of her strong desire to get married.
Marriage
Use synonyms
 can be life's turning point, forcing
people
Use synonyms
 to change their original considerations. Sometimes, when
people
Use synonyms
 are single, stepping into a
marriage
Use synonyms
 is completely different, and they may encounter life-changing determinations.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they might have missed the soulmate if they first decided to achieve personal aims and marry later.
To conclude
Linking Words
, whether
people
Use synonyms
 are determined to be single to do whatever they find enjoyable after thirty or even younger results in positive and negative outcomes. They still deserve to be concerned about the priorities in their own lives.
Submitted by aa0963178783 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It is important to clearly introduce the topic and provide a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are relevant to the points you are making. Some examples in the essay are not directly related to the arguments being presented.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure, but there is room for improvement in the flow of ideas and cohesive devices.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the points, but some examples lack clarity and precision.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: