The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It seems that with the passing of time, people's health rate will turn to register a decline.
Although
technological advances are improving our lives in a general way, I agree with the view that humans are lately following more unhealthy habits than ever.
On the one hand, the paced lifestyle that a lot of people tend to have, due mainly to work responsibilities, deteriorates people's life conditions. In other words
, spending a huge amount of hours at the office gives you little time to practice sports or prepare homemade food. As a result
, we gain weight and our well-being conditions get worse. Also
, the abusive use of electronic devices could degenerate,for example
, in several diseases. Modern devices can make our lives easier and be negative for us in the same way.
On the other hand
, scientists are working towards a future in which many diseases can be cured instantly. The consequences of this
hypothetical improvement in medicine would mean registering a prosperous average standard in relation to human wealth. However
, we are not in possession of a travelling machine that allows us to know what will happen in 20 years. Thus
, we can observe many changes in modern society thanks to science, but few have been related, for example
, to the cure of terminal illnesses.
To sum up
, there are high chances of experiencing a general boost in the rates of human fitness. Although
improvements can be achieved due to
scientific advances, the actual situation leads to the possibility of a general deterioration of health conditions in the future.Submitted by inesmonterolavilla on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay was well articulated. Paragraphs and ideas were connected smoothly, enabling a smooth transition from one point to the next. However, it would be beneficial to join a few of your ideas better for an improved flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay had a clear introduction and conclusion, which allowed for a complete understanding of your overall viewpoint. This is important in delivering a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
While you made an effort to support your main points, more specific examples could have strengthened your arguments. Whenever possible, you can use relevant data or personal experiences to bolster your claims.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task, addressing the prompt fully. However, remember not to introduce new ideas or arguments in the conclusion. It's an area to consolidate thoughts rather than bring in new points.
task achievement
While your essay had comprehensive and clear ideas, at times they seemed a bit generalised. Take care to ensure your argument maintains focus and provides a clearly articulated viewpoint throughout.
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Remember to implement specific examples which support your viewpoint. By doing so, your ideas will appear more compelling and valid.